Thinking Of You [WooSan]

024

Seonghwa 

"You're really leaving me." Hongjoong asked, looking a bit sad. 

I rolled my eyes, "Your studio isn't big enough for both of us, plus San offered and I'm going to help him pay off that huge stupid house he bought. This will make me feel more independent for the first time...ever." I laughed lightly, sitting beside him. "I escaped my dad, but that's not what I'm doing here. I'm just giving you back your space." 

His mood didn't lighten even with my reassurance. "It won't feel good though. I liked it being our space. It's lonely when it's just mine. It's not home. Not without you." 

My heart ached at his words. After we had been dating for a while or the closest thing to it, we both realized that Joong was also aromantic. Not fully but something that we still haven't figured out. 

It was...hard to deal with at first. I think he didn't want to get too close, feeling like he had led me on. At first it had stung, as if he had any choice in the matter but I pretty quickly accepted it, a lot faster than he did. 

Sure, sometimes it still hurt and sometimes it felt lonely that he would never love me the same way I loved him. But...he still loved me. In his own way, and he loved me differently than he had loved any of his friends. I was still special to him. He was still committed to me. That's what mattered. I wasn't a greedy person, I never expected tradition or anything that would be considered "normal". Our relationship involved a lot of sacrifices and boundaries and compromising, but it worked and we worked and it never really felt that difficult to do in the first place, because I did love him. And if I loved him, the sacrifices didn't feel like sacrifices. They felt like something I would do a million times over for him. 

I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder. 

He sighed, knowing me too well. "What do you want to say, my star?" 

I smiled softly at the nickname, knowing it was a bit on the nose but I didn't care. "We could always do what San is doing. You know...get our own place together someday." 

I felt his hand on my cheek, bringing my face to look towards him. "You'd be okay with that?" 

"How long is it going to take for me to convince you that I'm not going anywhere?" I asked. 

"Do I seem that insecure?" He asked, joking but not at the same time. 

"I'm okay with us being different. Can you be too?" I asked. 

"I want to be good enough for you. I want to be able to give you what you want. What if I can't?" 

I smiled, kissing him softly, knowing the gesture was more for me than for him. "You're all I want, Joong. I don't need anything else. Just give me you and we'll figure out the rest." 

"What if you get tired of always having to compromise with me?" He asked. 

"And you could get tired of compromising with me too. There's a lot of uncertainties. Are you saying we should give up because of them?" I asked. 

"You're way too good to be real, Seonghwa." 

I smiled at him, "I'll take that as a compliment." 

"It wasn't meant as one. But this one is." He said, kissing me deeply and it made me smile. "You make me dream that anything is possible. And I don't know if I'm enough for you but I promise you that every day I will try to be, and I will try and make you happy. And I will try and make you smile." 

"You should be careful, it's starting to sound like a proposal." 

Something flickered in his eyes and I thought I crossed a line. 

"It's a promise for someday. Because someday I will marry you. And we'll have our unique little relationship, and our unique little marriage, and we'll raise kids in our own unique little way." 

I felt my lip tremble, my vision getting blurry. "Godammit, Joong. You're supposed to be aro, stop with this romantic talk."

"I mean it, Hwa. If you can accept me like this, and I get my head out of my ass...I'm marrying you." 

I swiped my tears away, but it was no use as they kept coming. "I love you." 

"I love you too." He said, and I knew he meant it. It truly didn't matter if it wasn't in the same way. Nobody loved somebody in the exact same way. 

I was happy. 

I was happy despite of how different our relationship was. I was happy because of how different our relationship was.