The Path of Self-Discovery: Navigating Life's Complexities

Part 3 : Navigating the Complexities of Belief and Meaning in a Diverse World

At 20, I was optimistic and thought that finally life was turning the corner. I thought I could take back my privacy, escape being bullied, and build a life of my choosing. Of course none of this turned out to be right expectations. The pain you face is very much determined by where you are born. In developed countries you may be faced with depression and mental fatigue because society is designed to support the expansion of wealth for the rich rather than life for individuals. In poor or underdeveloped nations you are daily fighting to survive against oppression, opportunity, and ignorance. You are fighting on numerous fronts—the challenges of the system, the uncertainty of the future, and having no education. The differences in life circumstances exemplify the unevenness of wealth across the world, while also exemplifying how far there is to go to attain fairness for all.

Over my lifetime, my perspective and beliefs have gone through many transitions and developments. Some beliefs have become fixed, others are still developing and evolving, which leaves them open-ended. This process of thinking and growing has been exciting and at times tumultuous and heated thinking, recalling and comprehending, but enjoyable and often thoughtful reflection. Each time I encounter a new experience or new idea, it contests my previous beliefs, bringing additional meaning to the world and understanding of myself. As thoughts continue to develop and deepen, I continue my process of growing and developing, continually facing - and questioning - myself to learn and think more broadly.

The human brain will fill in the blanks where the answer is unavailable for certain questions. The hardest process was honestly investigating my beliefs and recognizing why I had a so serious attachment to them, especially since they were handed down to me from my parents and reinforced by society. I felt like I was left with numerous unanswered questions, many of which still exist. However, after years of exploring things personally and independently thinking, I came to recognize that religion may have worked in the past for certain societies and cultures, but may not necessarily work as well for any times and places. This was difficult for me to accept, and certainly challenged the beliefs given to me in my upbringing and through those around me. Overall, I am grateful for the adventure of self-discovery I have been on, and particularly for my new superficial ignorance of some of the realities associated with the world, and my place in that world.

This framed me in what I largely considered nihilism and the anxiety of life being meaningless, where I had to either believe in God or some type of life after death, or acquiesce to it and live the remainder of my life not knowing what the point of the world was to be. But after thinking this through it occurred to me that despite the unfortunate reality of no given meaning or purpose in life, I can give it a purpose in that I can live my life how I choose, to the fullest. I now believe that life is what you make of it; it is up to the individual in finding their happiness and fulfillment. The universe may never be totally understood in its complexity and mysteries; but then too, the individual has a unique opportunity to live life in joy, purpose and passion.

It wasn't an easy decision, but I ultimately decided to accept not knowing anything and to find meaning for me in the moment rather than in aspiration for an afterlife or following a divine plan. I learned that the meaning of the world is what we make of it. It is up to you and to me to create our own sense of meaning and purpose in this world. I know it can be daunting to face the unknown, but I can assure you that I have found freedom, and a sense of empowerment in living without the limitations of religion, and fear of eternal judgement.

Since I fully accepted nihilism, I have gained a freedom and appreciation for life that energizes me to live each day to the fullest, and do change in the world wherever I can, and for the people surrounding me. Having compelling evidence and rationale to accept and challenge nihilism for a long time, I have easily steered towards the idea of a higher power, a divine thing that created and controls the universe. It also gave me comfort that there was a reason for us but forced me not to have to believe in a higher power, and a sense of purpose. Finally, I realized that faith was beyond and didn't care about logic and understanding, so science or technology doesn't need to prove or disprove there is a god. For me, I now have a belief to live through life rather than just felt restriction or control by nihilism. Now, I have direction and meaning and instead of losing hope, I can just trust that a higher power is at its gates and will take control over my life.