the weirdo

Astrology

The evening came rather quickly, and Skye was surprisingly getting tired again. We had put on clean bedsheets after our homework and Skye was already laying in bed, watching video's. I was thinking for a second. Should I really sleep next to them? I mean There's no couch here and no spare mattress or anything to sleep on either. The bed's so small though... God, I should've let Alexis come over... I sat down on the edge of the bed, Skye turned to look at me and shuffled over a bit to make some space. I didn't move... "If you want to go home... you can. I'm fine now" Skye said with a soft voice. "I'm not leaving you alone, Skye" "But... I don't want to make you uncomfortable though" I sighed. It was indeed a little uncomfortable but I knew about the amount of guilt that was awaiting me when I would go home. "I can't go home..." I said quietly. "I can't leave you alone" They looked up. Again, the guilt in their eyes was enough to make my breath shiver. "It's okay, Skye." I said with a smile, hoping they'd take it.

A part of me really wanted to leave, but another part was scared for them to find out I didn't want to be there. What now if that made them feel bad? It would make me feel bad, for sure! I was stuck... I decided to lay down. Normally, when you lay down on fresh sheets, it's nice. You can smell the freshness of it all and it's just pleasant. But Skye's sheets weren't. Not at all even. They had the same, funky smell as the room. At least I wasn't laying on actual dirty sheets...

Skye had their back turned to me and were almost sticking to the wall next to the bed. Were they scared? Nervous? Or did they just want to give me space... I don't know. My mind went to wonder again. "How come... you feel this bad?" I asked carefully. It took Skye long to answer. "A lot of things just built up to this point, I guess..." "Is there anything that might help?" It took them long again. And even then, their answer was short and quiet. "No..." I thought for a while. Maybe this question was a bit too much... Now I didn't know what to say. "I started to feel bad since I was a kid. I gave up trying at 15 and well... I'm 22 now so... I don't believe anything can change me anymore. I'm honestly surprised I'm still here at this point." They said quietly, still not looking at me. It was stupid of me to ask that question. It was such a smallminded, stupid question... "I'm sorry..." I said. "Don't be. I'm used to feeling like this anyways" "That doesn't make it better though..." Skye shrugged. "When you get to this point, it doesn't really  matter anymore, Jamie." They said before sitting up. They rubbed their face and looked out the window. The light really made their eyebags pop. Poor thing... They looked so tired of life, I had to do something... but what...

I remembered the things Alexis said. Nothing can help them... They're long gone... How could you even say that about your own friend... I hated the fact I felt hopeless for not knowing what to do. And I know I've said that a lot but... you can't imagen... I felt like I was going to cry just by how hopeless this situation was. "You don't have to worry about me, Jamie. I'll be fine" I sat up as well. "You literally just told me nothing could help you..." They smiled faintly. "Yeah... And that's okay." I couldn't answer that. "You wana know something?" They ploffed back down on the bed, arms under their head. "Yeah" I asked, leaning down on my elbows. "When you feel this way for such a long time, you start to find comfort in it." "I don't understand..." "I don't want to be happy. Because, I know... that when I am, I'll constantly fear or expect something bad to happen. Because it always does. But... when I'm already feeling bad, I'm unable get my hopes up for them to be shattered to pieces every single time. It's simple" Simple? I... have NO idea what you mean... What do you mean you don't want to be happy?! I- huh? Skye said that in a rather positive way, almost the same way they talked about astrology. I couldn't understand the finding of peace and comfort in sadness... It was so weird to me... But maybe they were right. When you get used to something, you find comfort in it. The same way I found comfort in... my family?

"Do you believe that 1 day you might feel better?" I asked them. They gave me a giggle. "No" They smiled and looked at me. Aparently they saw my pathetic, sad face and turned to me. They looked at me with that genuine smile again. "You okay, Jamie?" They asked. I turned on my back. "Pffff... I don't know man..." They laughed softly. That made me feel a little better and I smiled. "You're fucked..." I said, looking at them. "Heheh.. yeah" They answered. I wanted to know more about this Skye. On 1 hand, they seemed very interesting and cool. But on the other, god there was a lot of trauma... I didn't know I wanted to go into that or not.

"What are you into?" I asked, changing the subject. "Uuhm... Astrology, music, I draw sometimes" They thought for a second. "Crying" They laughed, looking at me with a smug face. "Oh jesus!" I laughed. "How about you?" They turned to their stomach, resting their head on their hands. "I really like animals and also music. I -believe it or not- really like cleaning. And I like hanging out with friends." "I also like animals, especially cats" They smiled. "Hmmm... I'm more of a dog person" I responded. Skye didn't look like a cat person. More like a golden retriever lover. "You got any hobbies?" Skye asked. "Cheerleading. I normally have classes every wednessday and friday. I'm lucky todays class was canceled" They smiled. "How about you?" "Oh you know... crying" I laughed again. "C'mon! Give me something else than crying!" They laughed as well. "Sleeping?" "Oh my god, Skye" "Nah, I mean it! I like sleeping." I looked at them. "Anything else?" They thought for a while. "Sometimes I game, or write." "You like to go on walks?" They weren't sure. "Depends on my mood..." "Same"

Now, we were having an actual conversation. It felt good, finally getting to know them a bit better. When it was around 10 pm, we decided to go to sleep. Skye was clearly tired and I had to admit I was too. We also conveniently started in the same class the next day. And thank god was it at 9 and not 8. We layed down, backs turned to eachother and said goodnight. Skye dozed off rather quickly. I could hear their breathing getting heavier and they were fully relaxed. I carefully sat up a bit and looked at them. So peaceful... I thought. I had to be honest... they looked fucking adorable like that. All snuggled up and so peaceful, it was amazing. I laid back down and went to sleep as well.