Fated - Remus Lupin Fanfic

Chapter 29 | Alive Again

It's been months.

Months and months of longing and grief, of wishing that dreadful night had never happened.

Now, with only a week left of school, they had to find a way to spend their time. So they sat under the willow tree that Remus used to occupy, just to talk.

"4 months. Fucking hell, it's gone by so slow and yet I can't believe it's been 4 months already." Peter whispered.

"4 months and I miss him just as much as I did when he died." Sirius shook his head. "It feels like a betrayal to him, leaving Hogwarts. It feels really shit."

"Violet? You okay?" James asked as she stared off into the distance.

She glanced up, to see three pairs of eyes on her. "Hm?"

"James asked if you're okay." Sirius frowned. "You look a little... lost."

"I need to..." She got up uneasily, almost tripping over herself. "I need to speak to someone."

And without listening to their questions, she walked into the castle and down the corridor.

"You." She pointed an accusatory finger at him.

"... Me."

"Why the fuck are you following me?" She frowned.

Jayden shifted on his feet, not daring to look up. "I've been meaning to talk to you for ages."

"Why are you following me?" Violet repeated her question.

Because, fucking hell, why?

"I'm really sorry about what happened to Remus. I... I hate myself for saying what I said. Especially now that he's uh... He's gone. He was your boyfriend and I was jealous. Because I mean, look at you, of course-"

"Flattery isn't going to get you anywhere, Jayden." She scrunched her nose. "Why are you choosing to apologise now?"

He looked at his scuffed shoes. "I don't know. I wish there was a reason. Like school ending, or me believing I have a chance, or that I've finally stopped being a shitty honest, but to be honest none of that's true. I just woke up this morning and decided it was time I apologised."

"And you couldn't have woken up and thought that the day after you told everyone?"

"Please, Violet, I'm not trying to ask for your forgiveness or anything. I just want you to know how sorry I am."

Violet looked at Jayden, his glossy eyes and his smile lines. There were aspects of Remus that he saw in him.

Those aspects made her want to fall to the floor, to accept his apology and grasp onto him for the rest of her life just so she could sleep with the slightest hint of Remus on the other side of the bed.

She could make him tea just how Remus would like it. She could lie beside him and count his freckles like she would count Remus'.

She could forgive him for his betrayal the way she could forgive Remus for murder.

And God, Remus would probably want her to, maybe just to prove she was moving on from him.

But even if she just accepted Jayden's apology and never spoke of it again, she would never move on.

She would forever be haunted by the 'what if?'s just the same way she is haunted by her 'what now?'s.

"I will never be able to understand how sorry you are. I can't even comprehend it. Because at the end of the day, Remus is dead. And he died with his biggest secrets exposed. All because of you."

Jayden was silent.

"The only way I'd be able to comprehend how sorry you are..." She gave him a final look, one so unbelievably calm he couldn't believe what she said next came from the same face. "Was if you wrote about it in your suicide letter."

"Genuinely, I just think people like you should kill themselves... Actually, no, I just think you should kill yourself." She shrugged, then turned on her heel and left him.

She accidentally pushed past someone but stopped and turned around . "Shit, I'm so-"

"Violet."

"... Remus?"

He looked like Remus. Spoke like Remus. Smiled like Remus.

"... You're the fake one, right?" She frowned. "Well, who am I kidding, I killed the real one."

"You didn't kill anyone." He laughed. "Come on, let's take a walk, I've been meaning to talk to you about your lycanthropy studies."

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