How To Enslave an Empath

Chapter Sixteen- What About Love?

"Love is patient and kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." -1 Corinthians 13:4, 5 NIV

How are you doing so far? Yeah me too.

The above definition of love was written by a man who had murdered others in the name of religion. At the time he believed that his actions were motivated by love for his God and people, and a sense of right and wrong. However, when he wrote the words quoted above, he had lived a little. He had suffered the hardships of life, and adopted the beliefs of the people he had previously been dragging from their homes for execution.

Before continuing with his definition of what love is, and is not, we need to address whether a person with such a background can be considered as a reputable source for defining love. For many, knowledge of a person's past can prevent us from trusting their advice. This is especially true if we have suffered from their actions.

This man also faced this challenge in his faith community. Many feared him for years, because they couldn't forget what he had done. Let's be honest, when we can't forget, we probably can't forgive either.

We all know how blame has a hunger equal to greed. Because of our self-centered tendencies, we tend to find it easier to forgive someone who hasn't harmed us personally. However, it is entirely different when they are the perceived source of our pain.

You may have read every word in this book, but are you still insisting on your own perception? No one else can possibly know what you have gone through. Your right.

So then, speaking to you as an Empath, why did you think you could know what someone else was going through either? Could it be, on some level, you felt you were better than them. Were you older, wiser, stronger?

None of that matters when your enemy is an unseen force. You imagined that it was trapped inside the narcissists of the world. This world is binary. There are two sides to every coin. You thought that if narcissists are bad, then Empaths are good. I tried to tell you, this isn't about good and evil. Both are victims, and both need saving.

Perhaps by recognizing what love is not, we have a chance of discovering what love truly is. This word is so hard to define that the writers of the New Testament had to be very careful about what words to use to describe love. In Greek there were four. They never even used the one we most often associate with love. The sexual love known as eros is mysteriously left out. One is used more than any other. That word is agape or agapeo. We can get hung up on text book definitions from Greek lexicons, or we could let the author of the definition above give his own definition. That way we don't get lost in translation.

Have you ever thought of a definition as being like a cage? Definitions often cage us to a group definition. This would be fine if everyone had the same perspective, but we don't. We also don't want to accept that we don't. We might search for absolute truth, and then we try to mass produce it using volunteer labor.

If love can be easily defined from a single perspective, then I doubt whether it has what it takes, to take down the ever elusive creature that is often defined as narcissism. Did you notice the first quality mentioned in the quote above?

Love is patient. This is not a definition. It's a statement of character. Love chooses to be patient. Likewise, love must choose to be kind, or it simply isn't love.

Envy is a craving for more, a hunger. If the motive is greed, it's not love. If it fills you with pride so that you need to boast about who you have helped, it's not love. Pride is your reward.

If you need to tear others or even yourself down to reach your goals, it's not love. Love is not opportunistic. If things don't go according to our plans, our lack of love may be measured by how upset we get.

While it may be necessary to keep records of events to prevent ourselves from getting gaslit by others, if we can't forgive the victim of a narcissistic nature, then we have not discovered what love really means.

The definition continues with the words: "(Love) does not delight in evil."

Few would call the Judeo-Christian God evil. However, we might see him as cruel. By extension his past actions, or failure to act in the present, may be perceived as evil.

Let's focus on the reason for losing faith in a creator: Perceived cruelty. Do you delight in cruelty. How is your horror movie viewing going? You might be surprised to learn that the God who is seen as cruel included in his laws a very curious guideline: "You must not boil a calf in its mother's milk." This is a very strange requirement for a man-made concept. It's not found in any form in the law of Hammurabi. Who cares if a dead calf is boiled in it's mother's own milk? Only someone who cares about not being cruel. If we delight in cruelty, it's not love.

Next the writer of 1 Corinthians says: "(Love) rejoices with the truth." People who are fleeing a high control situation usually become obsessed with the concept of truth. Sadly truth becomes the target of their pursuit, rather than what is rejoicing with the truth. Love is a great companion in our conquest to conquer narcissism.

Next we read that love "protects". Other translations may read: 'bears or holds all things'. This one could be tricky because it sounds a lot like control. However, if love is the protector, then you can be sure it is offering comfort to someone.

These concepts may sound wonderful. They may also seem unattainable. Perhaps they have been used to guilt us into submission.

How are you doing? You may feel like Atreyu in "The Neverending Story". I'm not trying to fill you with guilt. My goal is to help you see the true enemy. It's not you. It's not me either. It's also not your captor. The real issue is your belief that your perspective is complete. If you don't take anything else away from this book, I hope you at least come to appreciate that perspective really is everything.

If you have been hurt, and who hasn't, then you no doubt are struggling with some serious trust issues. No one said these trials would be easy. Don't give up now. You have so much potential. You may not be able to see it yet, but you will. On the next page we will address what may be holding you back.