Ember Kate

Chapter:: Ten

I’m pretty sure I gave Mr. Hansen a heart attack when I pounded on his door that day. Now, three days later, he totally understands. I had to, as much as I didn’t want to, explain why I showed up on his doorstep smelling like strong alcohol and scared out of my mind. He didn’t call the cops on me, although I’m not sure if they could charge me with underage drinking. It turns out he made great food, and he was willing to give me the guest bedroom until my parents come back.

I’ve been sober since I slammed into that door. I don’t know how I feel about it since it wasn’t my choice. In order to have the nice room down the hall from Locklan, I had to kick the “filthy” habit. I didn’t see how they could understand my view point. It was my life; couldn’t I decide to end it if I wanted to? I’m in the guestroom, lying down, and I roll over and open the nightstand drawer. What a find in there is pure heaven, a lighter. I look around quickly before getting up and closing the door, checking for a lock. I almost put the lighter back when I realize that there isn’t a lock on the door. No worries, I thought to myself, I can just sit with my back against the door. It’d be no problem, and I can act like I’m taking a nap if anybody comes around.

I bring the lighter closer to my skin after flicking my thumb over the button that raises fire. I don’t flinch at the almost uncomfortable warmth on my hip. I leave it there until it gets uncomfortable and starts to turn a weird color. The bad thing about doing this is that after I get the high of doing it, I take a nap. I get up quickly to grab a pillow before taking my spot against the door, picking a new spot and carrying on.

~

I wake up being shoved. I can feel that my mouth was open during my nap, there’s drool surrounding my mouth. Checking where I am, I find that somebody is trying to get in the room. I open my eyes and find that somebody already got in the room. Black curly hair that looked windswept, his bright eyes focused on a spot not on my face. I following his gaze to where my shirt is slightly raised, showing the fresh burn marks.

“Ember,” he mumbles. My heart squeezes painfully with the way he says my name. There was so much emotion in that one word.

“Don’t give me that look,” I tell him in a harsh voice while I pull my shirt down. I didn’t want him to know that his expression was breaking my heart, and he couldn’t have the power to do that. He looks at me like I’m this broken thing lying on the floor as he wraps his hand around my arm, pulling me up.

I thought he would let go once I settle on my two feet, pulling my shirt down a little more. Instead he opens the door wide enough to pull me through behind him, and I only struggle for a few seconds before giving up and following. “I need to show you something,” he says in a voice that I don’t recognize. I look around the house as we make our way to his Dad’s office, and I assume that Mr. Hansen is at work.

He plants me down on the loveseat by the desk before plopping himself down on the computer chair, wiggling the mouse and waking the computer. He knows exactly where he’s going as he enters Google Chrome, going to a bookmarked website. It’s an article, the title saying “Tragic Suicide of Loving Mother and Wife.” I look over to Locklan before I stand up to read it.

Lonnie Hansen, mother of two and happily married jumped off a tall hotel building in Las Vegas, Nevada. There weren’t any drugs or alcohol in her system, and there’s no sign of foul play. There was nobody willing to give comments at this time.

I put my hand over my mouth, surprised that the article they did was so short. The rest of the space was taken up by a big picture that had obviously been cropped, so you can only see Lonnie. You couldn’t see the color of clothes she was wearing or the color of her hair and eyes, but you could tell she was a beautiful women.

“She did this two weeks after she left here; I guess that’s why she left.” Locklan states in a monotone.

“Locklan . . .” I start, he apparently doesn’t want to hear it.

“I guess I should be glad that I didn’t cause this, right? It wasn’t my little ‘fight’ that made her leave.” He has this weird twist on his words that make me cringe and realize that it’s not him talking. He’s done.

“I didn’t know you had a brother.” I lamely say to him, finding myself tired despite the nap.

“He’s a junior in college, he never comes home anymore.” Locklan shrugs and I find myself wanting to hug him. He’s still sitting in the computer chair and I’m still standing right by the desk, I move over to him a little bit and sit on his lap. I smile a little when he wraps his arms around my waist.

“I’m sorry she did that.” I wrap my arms around him. He doesn’t say anything, but he turns and lays his cheek on my hip, opposite of the one I burnt earlier.

“I just don’t want to bookmark another article on this computer.” He didn’t have to say who he was talking about. It was obvious that he was talking about me.

I didn’t want to tell him that I didn’t dream of doing anything beyond that final jump at the Bend. That it was what I went to bed thinking about after him and the first thing I thought of before I saw his face. If it wasn’t for him, my face would be being eaten by bugs by now.

“I know,” I run my hand throw his curly hair and think. Why haven’t I tried to avoid him? It was so confusing. I thought I knew what I wanted, and now I’m just confused. “Why don’t I try therapy?” I find myself saying. Me and therapy? The guy would have to be a miracle worker.

“You would?” his face lights up as he looks up at me. If I wasn’t looking at his face, I would have taken my words back. Instead I nod, and he looks so relieved that he actually kisses me.

It’s not like a normal kiss; there was so much in it. So much emotion and I found myself loving it. I wrap my arms tighter around his neck and get comfier on his lap as he adjusts his arms around my waist. When we separate we can’t stop smiling at each other.

I will try to get better, for Locklan.