Ember Kate

Chapter:: Eighteen

Even a day later I hadn’t figured it out. His green eyes didn’t reveal to me the secret of what was troubling. Whenever he laughed, there was an uneasy edge to it that I couldn’t bring myself to ask about. Sometimes I was so convinced that something was wrong that I would almost ask him. But when I thought how I would form the question, what has you so tense around me now? It sounded ridiculous. I even laughed at how stupid I sounded, just by thinking it.

“Do you want to watch a movie, play scrabble, what?” I list of a few choices of anything to do besides me lying on my bed while he’s pacing my room. Always pacing, like he had some big decision to make.

“No, those all sound stupid. Just let me think, okay?” Tommy paced around a few more laps, even when I responded an annoyed ‘okay,’ he just kept looking around. His eyes darted in every crack and crease in my room, as if the messy room held all the answers he wanted. Suddenly his eyes bug out, and he exclaims that he knows what to do before running out of my room, claiming he needs to go have a smoke.

I don’t have the heart to follow him and eavesdrop. He has never been that excited for a cigarette, ever. For a second my mind flashes to Locklan. His nicotine free mind, the fact that he never seemed put out or anxious in any situation. And overall the fact that he believed in me far after I lost myself. I lay down in my bed facing the wall and thinking about Locklan’s and mine’s relationship. I messed it up big time, but maybe if I broke up with Tommy; Locklan would accept me back?

It sounded too much to ask for when I was the one who pushed him away. I tried to shake the thought out. Just because things were a little rocky with Tommy didn’t mean I had to think back to Locklan. Our relationship wasn’t right in some way. He was trying too hard to be my hero.

I tried not to get up and look out the window to see what Tommy was doing. He said he was going outside to smoke, and I tried to calm the random nervousness of butterflies. He said he would figure it out, whatever it was. I just had to try and trust him which I found was a little harder than I thought it would be.

He comes back in with a smile on his face, his shoulder slumped comfortable and he obviously looks at ease. “Did you get it figured out?” I ask in a low voice, trying not to seem too interested.

He shrugs. “I had to leave them a voicemail, we’ll see though.” I’m sitting on the ground with my back against my bed and he comes over to sit next to me. Looking me straight in the eyes, he leans in and starts kissing me. Between kisses he whispers, “Sorry for being such an ass today.”

I didn’t want to pull away from his soft lips long enough to say I forgive him. Instead, I deepen the kiss and dominate it; showing him that I do forgive him. As he wraps his arms around my waist and I put my hands in his hair, I hear voices in the hallway.

“She has a boy in there, Scott. Well, not even a boy . . . he’s a man.” I could practically see my mother shaking her head. Her dark hair pulled back enough to show her thick vein by her forehead to know when she’s stressed.

I pulled away from Tommy and scoot back to my spot next to him, settling on holding his hands. My mother, the one my non-caring mother turned into, might freak out if she saw him and I making out. When you thought about it, the fact that it took me bringing a boy into the house to make mother come alive again makes sense. Maybe I should have done it a while ago, especially a strange guy.

I was waiting for her to open the door and come in and give me a lecture. But then I listen again and I hear the voices continue down the hall. “That was close, I thought she’d come in and yell at me or something.” I look over to Tommy and I see him zoned out, not even paying attention. “Did you hear what I said?” I ask him, not expecting anything.

“Nope! Was it important enough to repeat?” he smiled at me and I tried not to get frustrated, it’s not like it was important.

“Not really,” I start saying before I give him a look, “now where were we?”

I didn’t know how long Tommy and I made out for, but when we stepped out of my room because we were being called to dinner; my lips felt at least four times bigger.

“Are my lips bruised?” I ask Tommy while I bring my fingers to it. I winced a little when I did, not knowing you could bruise your lips from that.

“I can’t see past your fingers, silly.” Tommy tells me with a smile on his face, moving my hand from my lips. He leans forward a little bit like he’s examining them. “They are definitely bruised, and they look swollen too, nice.”

I stared at his, hoping his were just as bad. Instead, his were just red and I could only see a little bruise forming from where I bit his lip. As we made our way to my dining room I tried to decide if this was going to be a good idea or not. So far my parents only had bad things to say about the fact that Tommy was here. I couldn’t blame them, but they could have saved it for when he wasn’t around.

I was also hoping they would be civil tonight. We just needed to scarf our food and get back in my room. Anything other than that would be trouble. There was no way to convey this message to Tommy, so I just had to hope that he would be a good boy and not provoke my parents. Not that he has before.

“Is that pizza I smell?” I call out to the kitchen where I see my mother and father sitting down with drinks in front of them. If it’s pizza then we can just take it to my room, I conclude.

“Yes it is, but before you think about hiding in your room . . . we want you guys to eat at the table tonight.” My mother says. I’ve never rolled my eyes so hard before. After I grab a couple of slices for Tommy and I, I glance over to my father. He shrugs at me and pours more vodka.

“Well, I wonder what you’re going to find to bitch about tonight,” I say sarcastically as I roughly set my plate on the table. Tommy follows my actions, but choosing to gently put the plate on the table.

“Ember! Since when do you use that language?” I have to struggle not to roll my eyes again as I glare at her.

“Since I got into middle school, I’m glad you noticed.” I tell her with a grimace on my face as I eat my first slice. If she’s going to make me feel bad about bringing a guy into the house, I’m going to make her feel bad about all the things she’s never noticed. Like everything about me.

“Ember, are you really going to bring up all the bad crap your mother did or didn’t do? We get it, we were sucky parents.” My dad says dramatically slow before he gulps the rest of his drink and begins to pour another.

My mother nods, not even moving to get their pizza out of the oven when it starts beeping. “I know I’ve apologized for most of the things. I didn’t know you were one to hold a grudge,” she says to me. They both keep their eyes off of Tommy, as if he isn’t really there and is just a figment of my wildest imagination.

“Just because you apologize doesn’t mean I have to forgive you,” I rudely remind her. I look over to Tommy and see how he thinks about this. But he’s zoned out again, looking content with a half slice left.

“Well maybe you should learn to forgive us, because you’re stuck with us for the rest of your life.” She kindly reminds me.

“Not if I have a say in it, mom.” I scoff at her, getting up from the table. Tommy gets up and pushes his chair in along with mine. He doesn’t bother saying thanks for the meal, because he knows he is invisible to them. “Your pizza smells like it’s on fire,” I tell her as I go back to my room; Tommy in tow.