Endless Bounds

Chapter 18 (Deku)

Deku wakes in a small room, his mind foggy and his body aching. The mask on his face hisses with each breath he takes, the sound rattling his brain. Deku clenches his jaw against the building headache but leaves the mask on. The doctor had forced his body to shut down in his experiments and treatments, his lungs are--

Deku sits up. His eyes run ablaze at who sits next to him and at the one lurking in the corner.

"Deku! You're-"

"What is he doing here?" Deku asks, his words muffled by the mask. "And what are you doing here Dabi?"

"Listen kid," Dabi says as he approaches. "it was Toga's idea. She thought that maybe if-"

"If what? Tell me what she thought that made you think it was a good idea to come here let alone bring him."

Deku shoots up to his feet, making to grab Bakugou by the collar. What was he going to do after that? Deku doesn't get the chance to find out if he was going to kill him or just scare him senseless. The moment he stands up his mind spins and the color drains from his face. His veins go ice cold and his eye roll to the back of his head.

Dabi catches Deku with a curse under his breath and sits him back on the bed. Bakugou can't do anything but stare in terror at the state of Deku.

He's so different. So different from the timid kid he knew. So different from the kid from middle school. And he's. . . dying. The thoughts, the terror, the concern are written all over Bakugou's face and he hates it.

Dabi lightly taps Deku's cheek. "How are you feeling? You still with us?"

"Fuck off," Deku groans, his breathing ragged.

"You look like hell but you seem all there." Dabi sighs. "Look. We thought that if he saw-if he knew-"

"Knew what exactly?" Deku growls.

"We thought that if knew. . . knew you were dying that he would understand."

Deku sits up, his eyes are aflame. "You had no right!" He spits out. "What the hell were you guys thinking? Yeah I'm dying. Tough shit!" Deku turns to Bakugou, looking him up and down in disgust. "I'm just doing what he told me to do."

Deku stands up. His head is spinning but he can at least hold his own and walk out of this damned place and away from these people. "Shouldn't be too hard on you now should it? My condition won't change what you think of things. You've dealt with my death once before. Good riddance right? You can deal with it again."

"Deku," Bakugou grabs hold of Deku's arm. "I don't-this isn't right. You're doing all this, you're throwing things away and destroying yourself all for what? To prove a point? And you're doing it alone. Come back with me. We can fix this. We can help you."

"I told you it was pointless bringing him," Deku says to Dabi.

"I morned you. We all did. The second I heard what had happened, I. . . I didn't know what to do. I felt so guilty. I hated myself. I hated everything. You have no idea how much I wished that I never said those things. I wanted to be a hero and yet I bullied this little kid who looked up to me. . . I was the reason he was dead."

Bakugou pauses, taking in a deep, shaky breath. "I didn't want to become a hero anymore. How could I call myself one after that?"

"And yet that didn't stop you. "Deku scoffs. "You're just like the rest of them. You're only a hero for your own selfish gains. So you don't have to feel guilty anymore. Save all these people, be the inspiration and the reason they are alive and it will cancel out what you did to me right?"

"No," Bakugou shakes his head. "I'm becoming a hero because of you. Because that was your dream. And I thought. . . I had to do it for you. I wanted to become a hero in your name. For you. And for your mother."

"How noble of you," Deku sneers.

The top of Bakugou's lip curls up and before Deku knows it, the air is sucked out of his lungs with a punch. Dabi pushes between the doubled over Deku and Bakugou, blue flames lighting up the room. "Back up Dabi," Deku says between coughs. "It's your fault he's here. If he wants a beating I'll give him one."

"Oh shut up and cut the bullshit for one second would you, you damn nerd." Bakugou balls his fists and looks to Deku. Not with worry like he had been. No, this time it's with anger. "Do you know what it did to your mother?"

Deku freezes.

"Do you even know the state she's been in since they told her that you were dead. That they were giving up the search for you? Do you know that she hasn't stepped foot outside once since that day?"

"Of course I know," Deku finally says.

"Then you know what that must have done to her to find out you were alive all this time. And what it will do to her if she loses you all over again."

Of course he knows. Of course Deku knows. The tears down her face when he finally went to her. Her words. How pale and thin she is now. It all constantly replays in his mind.

He knows once he finally dies, once she hears that all over again, it will crush her. But how much does it completely destroy her to know what has come of her son? The things it will do to her to see what he has yet to do, the blood he has yet to stain his hands with.

 But she will move past it. She will move past his death because this time, there'll be a body to burry and horrors to forget.

"Look," Deku says softly but deadly, "Don't talk about things you don't understand.

"I do understand."

"Do you? Do you really understand?" Deku shouts, feeling his fire creep in his bones. "How do you think she feels knowing the things I have done in the last week let alone the last year? The things I will do? I'm not the kid you knew!"

"She's your mother she doesn't care as long as you're alive."

Deku shakes his head. "If you knew the things that I have done, you would wish I had stayed dead. But see here's the thing, I don't care. I don't regret a single thing. And I will do so much worse in order to burn this world to the ground."

"Izuku. . ." Bakugou breaths that name. A name that died with Deku the moment he disappeared.

Deku smiles grimly. "If you stand in my way, or any of your little pals at UA, I will slaughter each and every one of you in front of Japan and turn you to ash," he says, the color in his eyes flashing red. 

The room goes silent. Bakugou looks horrified but that damned spark is still behind it. That look of a hero trying to save someone just out of reach. Desperate to save someone he actually cares about it.

Maybe he's telling the truth. Maybe he really does care. Maybe he really has changed. But so has Deku and the time for heroics and friendship are long gone.

 Dabi is solemn and quiet, wanting to save his dear Deku, someone who became like a younger brother to him, but knows there's nothing he can do.

Deku's lips peal back in disgust. Pathetic. He turns, finally making his leaves, unable stand it any longer.

"Take him back," Deku says over his shoulder. "I don't want to see him again. Let Shigaraki do what he wants with him until the number one hero comes to collect his precious cargo."

"Deku!" Dabi shouts after him but Deku keeps walking.

The looks they are giving him. The concern, the fear, the pity and wish that things were different is the reason he keeps everyone away from here. The looks they give are not something he wants to wake up to. They aren't something he wants to deal with. He's already dealt with it. He's already accepted it so why can't they?