You vs. My Whole Life | Bang Chan

Case 143

Tomorrow was going to be the day Lee Sooman would take his final breath. 

Multiple plans had been forged by the gang leaders and everyone knew their roles in each of them.

The mission was the same in each of them; eliminate Lee Sooman. Who would take over his empire and how it would be shared was something Taeyeong, Jihyo, Yeji and Chan agreed would be a topic for after the war. 

Taeyeong was the one assigned to shoot his father. He actually volunteered to do it. 

But they all had considered every possibility thoroughly so there was a Plan B for a situation where Taeyeong was hurt or worse and could not fulfill his duty. 

Chan was said Plan B.

He would take Taeyeong's place and become a murderer. Actually this time.

Memorizing the different plans was the easy part, the execution was the difficult part. 

Was Taeyeong really able to kill his own dad?

Was I really able to fight?

The formation for the mission was clear. The gang leaders would make up the front line, while the rest of us was to protect them and make sure their back was clear. 

Mark, Felix and Sana would stay at the base to allow us to communicate and have an overview the battlefield.

Once again, my position did not officially allow me to carry a gun. And although I wanted to start a fight with Chan about that fact, he had a lot more on his mind and I knew it would be useless. 

And I had already planned on taking the gun Hyunjin had given me last time anyways. I wouldn't be the only one without a weapon in this operation. 

I pushed open the door to Chan's room, trying to take my mind off of the attack we had planned. Maybe talking to him would calm my raging nerves. 

"Chan?" His eyes met mine when I called his name. A small, exhausted smile playing on his lips. 

"Have you eaten? You'll need energy." Even during a literal war, I was still his first priority. I nodded slowly as his smile widened. 

"Good girl." 

He took my hand, absentmindedly playing with my fingers while I sat down on his bed next to him. 

"What about you?" The question seemed to confuse him. 

"Hm?" His eyebrows were furrowed as tired eyes looked up into mine. I ruffled his hair playfully. 

"Have you eaten?" He was trying to recall the last time he had eaten, I could tell, but he stayed silent for a bit. 

"Don't worry about me," he mumbled, leaning into my touch as I kept running my fingers through the strands of his hair. I chuckled humorlessly. 

"Don't tell me not to worry about you, idiot." He raised an eyebrow. Maybe calling him an idiot isn't something anyone else had ever dared to do. 

"Why?" The question hung in the air between us and now it left me wondering what he meant.

"What do you mean, why?" I questioned.

"Why do you worry about me?" He was the one who always took care of everyone else. 

"Because I care about you." My answer was the simple truth, leaving my mouth without wasting another thought.

"Why do you care about me?" He needed me to spell it out for him, wanted to hear every single word. 

I took a deep breath.

"Because I love you." 

He giggled. 

The scary mafia leader that was currently planning an assassination was giggling. 

"I love you." I said it again just to see his entire expression light up. He slightly bend over to kiss the top of my nose.

"I love you." His reply made the butterflies in my belly race and my heartbeat thunder so loud, I was sure he could hear it.

His cheeks blushed in the nicest shade of maroon and I was sure I looked like a tomato myself. 

"Chan?" His curious eyes found mine. "Can we stay like this forever?" I alluded to us cuddling. I had found myself in his arms automatically, as if it had always been the place I belonged.

Chan slowly pet my head before carefully pushing a strand of my hair behind my ear. 

"After tomorrow, when it will all be over and you're not in danger anymore." He smiled. "I'll make sure to grant you your wish."

Despite our confessions and his promise, I couldn't help but dread what tomorrow might bring. 

"How do you prepare yourself for possibly killing a man?" I couldn't help but wonder out loud, watching how his face instantly hardened. He slowly sat upright to look at me.

"You can't really." He sighed.

"Once you're the reason for someone else's death it will ruin you. Physically because you won't be able to sleep, mentally because it's all you're able to think about when you're awake." I swallowed at his seriousness but appreciated his honesty at the same time. 

"All I do is try and detach myself from what's happening and I try to justify the action in front of the hardest judge there is; myself." I reached out to touch his arm in silent support. 

"You're only Plan B, Chan. You might not have to pull through with it after all. I'll be there for you - we all will." The corner of his mouth lifted into a small smile at my words. 

"Thank you. No matter what Plan we follow, it will be incredibly exhausting. Get some sleep now and leave the worrying to me." He placed a soft kiss on my head and got up to leave, indicating he was letting me sleep on his bed.

"Chan. Does one ever get better after killing someone? Do the nightmares ever stop?" I was too curious for my own good but I couldn't help it.

He tried to give me a smile but it didn't reach his eyes and his features looked more like a painful grimace. 

"I hope you'll never have to find out."