Manic [h.s]

38

adore you
Skye
We spent the next three days watching over Harry as he fades in and out of consciousness. I took on the most work of feeding him, and giving him sponge baths twice a day. Anton and Nikolai told me I have to keep up my public appearances with the boys, in which Kenzie would take a shift watching him.

We were sure to get papped walking in and out of clubs, casinos and dive bars. I haven't had it in me to drink. I've had no desire to. I sit in the booth with Louis and we usually reminisce for a while.

We made it look like we were partying all the time, we even got papped in front of the publishing house. Alex caught me off guard when she just came over and hugged me right before we left. We were actually walking out after I learned Mattie or Irena quit. I never put my walls up so fast. She began asking me when I'll get in my first rough draft of my manuscript. I kind of just stared at her while she waited excitedly for me to answer. "It'll take as long as it takes." I said, passive aggressively.

Zayn has come around twice each day. He's much closer with the boys than I thought. I learned that he's also from New York, originally from the UK. I don't know if he has a similar story or anything. I'm too afraid to ask. He was very kind to me though. He asked me if Adam was alright and told me he spoke to his contacts out east to keep an eye on him. I did have some courage to ask why he has his own estate, he told me he'd bought it with the first check he got. It made me wonder the value of the house, and how much he gets paid.

Anton and Nikolai live here full time. I was told they "train" the newbies, but most of the time they're holding down the fort. Apparently theres another group that's a competitor in drug sales that likes to come around and taunt.

The boys told me that the night Harry came back to the hotel with blood all over him, the night he had Zayn's blood all over, Anton basically got kidnapped. Apparently, they'd been tracking his burner phones and they finally tracked him down because he was on the phone long enough with Harry about the money that got taken out of my account.

After learning that, I couldn't help but feel responsible.

I haven't wanted to leave Harry for long periods at a time. I think back to the only time I saw him without a shirt was in the shower, I didn't even get to see his back, not fully. I wonder what my reaction would have been last week.

When I knew I wanted him but I was still trying to resist it.
I can't resist it anymore.

At this very second I'm laying next to him, on my side, as he sleeps on his stomach, his head always facing me. He hasn't worn a shirt in days, having to look at the carnage that is his back, has been the hardest part to say the least.

The boys have been dosing him with morphine, they ran out this morning and Anton said there's no way they could get anymore. I know this maybe the last moments of peace before he wakes up in a world of pain. All of the burns are 1st and 2nd degree, so from the research I've done, he'll feel it all because none of the neurological elements have been burnt through. The blistering is what looks the most painful.

I'm not some sort of doctor, but I keep asking if they could call one in. Niall keeps saying he'll get along just fine without one but I'm just so unsure.

They're throwing him onto a stage in 4 days, and I just don't know how he'll do it. We haven't even been able to get him up to walk around yet.

As I've been lost in thought, I watch as his face crinkles and he looks like he's wincing in pain. His eyes flutter open and he look up at me.
"mmmm" he groans from the back of his throat.
"Did they get me more?" He asks. His body begins to shake again.
"No, baby. I'm sorry." I place my hand on his cheek and he presses his face into it.
"Oh, okay." He says disappointed. I kiss his forehead.
"I think we should try getting you to walk." I say.
Immediately he looks like he's ready to object. He pulls his arm out from under him and places his hand on top of mine, "If you insist." He says.

I roll off of the bunk bed and pull at his arm to get him to the edge of the bed. He sits up and lets his legs dangle for a moment. He shuts his eyes in discomfort, "Are you dizzy?" I ask.
He holds out his hand for me to be quiet.
He takes in a sharp inhale before reaching for my hand to help him stand upright.

He doesn't use me to lean much at all. Compared to when Liam and Niall had to both carry him up the stairs three days ago, I'd say it's progress. Nikolai probably could have done it himself, he's so fit and strong looking. He scares me more than Anton, but I find I'm most intimidated by Valentin. He's around the least often, he came in once and it was just to retrieve Anton. From what the boys said he has a family and a life outside of all this. Anton, Nikolai and Zayn, They purposely made it so there's nothing else for them to live for. This is their life's purpose now.

I wonder why Valentin is the exception and why the boys seemingly have been able to have contact with their mothers and obviously with me.

Harry shuffles his feet and takes a small step, then another and another. It comes easy to him.

his back is stiff though, he keeps his arms still so that the skin on his back wont stretch. He has some little shakes in his hands as he hobbles around. He gets to the doorway of the closet and leans his chest against it.

"I forgot how much this sucks." He admits and grunts and leans his head against the doorway for a moment like he's collecting his thoughts.
"I can only imagine." I say. He takes a breath before turning around and shuffling back to the bed.

He takes a seat and stays sitting up.
"Thank you." He expresses his gratitude with a soft smile, his dimples pressing ever so slightly into his cheeks. He's trying to catch his breath and he's straining, trying to make his body comfortable.

"I'm here." I state the obvious, but for once I'm so willing to be taking care of someone. He looks at me, licking his lips and we kind of just stare for a minute or so.

He begins to catch his breath, and his eyes dance over my features before he takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry you're the one taking care of me." He says. I furrow my brows looking at him and shake my head slightly. Taken aback that he wouldn't want me taking care of him, when he so obviously has seemed to want me around.

"No- no, I want to." I say. He has his legs spread out and his hands folded together between them as he leans his elbows on his knees. He faces down, touching his chin to his chest, almost ashamed he said it.

"I just don't like you seeing me when I'm not strong. I'm supposed to be the one protecting you, remember?" He asks as he peaks up at me through his eyebrows.

I step forward and stand between his legs, he wraps his hands around my hips before I take his face into the palms of my hands. My insides have been burning from the inside out at the mere idea he's taken this punishment to simply just comfort me, be there for me, and watch out for me.

I feel guilty. "I'm the reason this happened." I say, putting a piece of his hair behind his ear, "So let me take care of you. It's what I'm good at." His eyes well with tears, I don't think I've really seen him cry, not since the time in the bathroom. I don't think I should count that, knowing how high he was.

"Please dont say that." He says it so softly, I almost can't even hear him. "Please." He adds.

He's coming down from a high right now.
I try to remind myself things he says or does might be out of the ordinary. I smile and nod in compliance.

"I adore you, Angel." He hugs on my legs, resting his head on my lower stomach. I lace my hands into his hair.

"I adore you too." I say quietly.

--

-

--

Thank you all sooo much for all the love on Manic. It all means so much to me and I am so glad to keep this story going. Im trying to pump out as many chapters as possible before I really get into the swing of things at school. I'll update as much as possible, but as always, school comes first.

I'm so excited for you guys to see what's in store for Harry and Skye, I'm so thankful for all of you.

-Claire xoxo