Matt was studying his brother, with concern in his eyes as he bit his lip.
Chris was a peaceful guy with a go with the flow personality and ignored when things went wrong. Matt and Nick would know. Chris wasn't an anxious guy.
If Chris wasn't anxious in general, he was even more relaxed when his girlfriend was around.
He was reactive to you. He always kept his attention on you, listening to you. It had been like this since you first met. Matt was there when Chris became speechless as he looked at Matt, and back to where you just walked in.
Your grace was the first thing Chris noticed.
But here you were- and Chris wasn't smiling. He couldn't even look at you.
"Chris?"
Chris knew Matt said something, everything was just blurred right now and he wasn't sure how long he was staring at the floor and watching his tears drop.
"Chris?"
Matt put his hand on Chris' shoulder and Chris had no energy to even flinch. He's been more dazed since he got here and since he saw you. "I know you're scared"
Scared. Chris didn't like that word.
Something like this wasn't a scary feeling, it was trepidation.
Chris remembers the time you taught him that word. He remembers your wide eyes when you said it- how you never heard a word like it.
Trepidation was the feeling of fear of about something that may happen. An unsure possibility.
This was the unsure possibility that was witnessed every day on TV, in movies or on the news- it would never happen to you.
But it did happen to you, and to him.
"She's going to be alright"
Chris swallowed for the first time in days.
"Really, Chris. She is-"
"Matt" he whispered, sniffling and letting the tears fall. "They had to restart her heart"
It's quiet- too quiet.
The only sound was the heart machine, a slow chilling sound that showed the seriousness of his words.
"Her heart stopped?"
Matt shook his head and squeezed his brothers hand.
"Do you understand that? That means mine did too"
Matt met Chris' eyes for the first time since they'd been in the hospital. He stared at his brother and his chin started to tremble
"She-" he shook his head, turning back to face you. "She almost died" He broke then, and Matt pulled Chris closer into his arms. Chris fell into his arms, letting out louder sobs. "She..she did die"
Matt's eyes were teary but he didn't let them fall- he had to be strong one right now.
For him and for you.
"She left- even if it was just for a moment she left and..I-" Chris was struggling to hold himself up. "She died...she was almost gone completely and-" he cut himself off by swallowing the bile creeping up his throat.
"And I had to watch it all"
Chris believed he'd never felt more helpless than he did in the moment.
One minute he was holding your hand and whispering to you, when he was cut off by a loud ringing.
His eyes widened in reaction as he was pushed away from you, and he was fumbling to catch your hand as the doctors swarmed the bed, the nurse pushing him back, away from your touch. He dropped your hand as he yelled at the nurse until he realised-
