My world

chapter 14

Gulf pov

He was singing the song with a soft voice. He is staring in to my eyes. Like, searching for Something in my soul.

Is he searching for love ? No, that can't be true. His eyes........ Why It's conveying love and affection.

Is he going to propose me. NO !! that can't happen.

I was in my thoughts but, when I came out of my thoughts Mew was not there. His presence was not on the stage. He was infront of me. On his knees, kneeling. He was holding a ring in his hand.

No Mew ! Don't do this please ! Don't! I'm not ready to face the reality. No ! Mew . please don't say those three words.

I was praying to all the gods present above the sky to stop this. I don't want to hear those words. But,

I love you pudding. Will you be my boyfriend?

Mew said that ! He loves me ? Did I hear the truth. Mew loves me ! But, I can't.

I'm not perfect for him. I can't drag him to my hell, to my shit. He deserves more.

Through my peripheral view I can see Mild, Prem and Boun. They were cheering me to say yes. Do they all know that Mew was going to propose me ?

Their eyes were filled with happiness and hope. Hope that I would accept him. Hope that I would accept his proposal.

They were shouting out loud. They were chanting my name and Mew's but those words are not reaching my brain. I can't hear anything. All went blur.

I can only see Mew, who was still on his knees holding the ring out. He was looking into my eyes with love, affection, care and hope.

He was staring at me like a most precious thing in the world. He was smiling. He was smiling with a hope that I would say Yes.

But can I say Yes ?

My brain was playing all the memories I had with Mew. He was concerned about me even though I was an asshole to him.

He cared about me when I was a jerk to him. He faced his fear of heights to be with me, in my happiness. He patted me on the back and gave me courage even though I didn't open my mouth about my pains. He understood me better than me.

He was perfect. I am just a imperfect piece of trash. He deserve to be with a perfect person.

I know, I can't face the society. I can't face my Mae. I can't face my Por. I can't face the hateful comments. I can't fight against them. I can't fight for Mew.

Mew don't deserve to be with a person who won't fight for his love. I know I'm ----- I'm nothing compared to Mew.

He had learnt guitar just to propose me. He had wrote a song for me. I don't deserve this happiness.

Even before I realise tears found their way out. My hands were shaking. My chin is quivering. My lips were trembling. My cheeks were wet with fresh tears.

I started biting my lower lip. I can't cry infront of them. I need to stop crying. I bite my lip hard, as blood was dripping out. But, I can't stop biting. I can't feel the pain. Because the pain I was feeling in my heart is nth time more than my physical pain.

Mew stood up and touched my lips. I winced in pain. He was tracing my lips. I can see the pain in his eyes.

Why he was feeling pain when I was the one in pain. He is too perfect for me. Before I become more miserable I need to run out . Run from all of this.

I pushed Mew. He stumbled back but balanced. Mew was clearly shocked. I don't know what to speak but I was saying words which would hurt Mew but I was hurting more by saying those hurtful words to him.