in the ends // jaq

13

Lauryn's sudden death had filled me with pain. I was overwhelmed with sadness and grief, every second I felt another piece of my heart shatter.

She was my best friend.

We went to school together, every-time we got put in iso we would sit in the back and gossip about people. We beefed girls together in year9, 10 and 11. We had always been inseparable.  When I got into a fight with this girl called Lena, Lauryn jumped in. And when Lauryn got into a fight with a girl called Aniya, I jumped in. And then when we reached gcse's, Lauryn and I chose geography and failed together. I took psychology and Lauryn took sociology, we both got a 6.

We had one friend group in school, and by the end of year11 it had broken up. Yet, Lauryn and I stayed together.

And of course, when we grew up we met Shelley. Then it was three of us. Lauryn and I would babysit Tish, try and convince Shells to come out with raving with us, Shelley would always refuse which made Lauryn more desperate. Shelley, Lauryn and I were gonna work together at Shelley's nail bar... but Lauryn would never be able to.

Then, there was that whole Curtis situation. But when Lauryn returned and had the baby, everything seemed normal, back in place... but obviously not.

Since Lauryn's death, Jaq had been drinking bare. It checks out, though, considering the circumstances. I wanted to help her, try to make her feel better but I was too busy dealing with my own grief and trying to look after the baby.

Despite how I was feeling, I couldn't imagine how Jaq was feeling. She'd lost her sister. Her blood fucking sister. The two had been through everything together. Thick and thin. Jaq was there for Lauryn and helped her escape from Curtis. And throughout their childhood. I wish she could give me her sorrow so I could feel it all myself, I hated seeing Jaq like this.

At the moment, Mandy was around the house. Jaq was sat down in her chair with tears streaming down her face, and I sat quietly on the sofa with the baby in my arms.

"Was she talkin' to anyone about it?" Mandy asked, her voice soft, she was in utter disbelief. She sighed, "I knew so many girls in pen that got hooked on that shit. Same thing." She paused, "Saying they're takin' the edge off, then it just spirals,"

Jaq scoffed, "What the fuck? It's not that fuckin' hard to understand," She said, getting angry, "Lauryn drowned because she couldn't handle the fuckin' shit that she was smokin'. A'ight? She weren't about that junkie life."

"Mandy's not sayin' she was, babe," I told Jaq, calmly. She kissed her teeth and rubbed her forehead.

Then, the baby started crying. I started bouncing him in my arms, softly hushing him. I took his bottle and raised it to his lips. The doorbell went off and Mandy got up, announcing that she would get it. I thanked her and she answered the door to reveal Sully.

"What you sayin'?" Sully asked, coming into the living room. I gave him the smallest smile my face could structure, "This the big man, yeah?" He asked, meaning the baby.

"This is him," I said, "Good as gold. Aren't you?" I cooed at him, as he sucked on his milk bottle.

"So you're an auntie now, Jaq?" Sully asked, he turned to face her and she looked at him with her tear stained face. He studied the grief in her eyes and sat down with her on a metal chair.

He sighed heavily, "How's it goin'?" He asked.

"Fucked if I know, bro," She said, with a thick voice. I felt my eyes start to sting but I didn't want to cry.

"I know the feelin'," Sully said. Well done, Sulls. Best thing to say to someone in this situation. Jaq just continued rubbing her forehead.

"You ever wanna talk, I'm here," He offered, "You was there for me. So I'm here. Anything you need."