Past memories | Shin soukoku | Atsushi angst

Chapter 6

Tw: ed (eating disorder), throwing up
Yosano POV

Before he entered the room, Akutagawa told me Atsushi had threw up the food he ate the other night. I was really concerned. He always ate in front of us did he puke it up later? And most importantly was he doing this on purpose? Purposely or not it was still an eating disorder and I would do my best to help him.

I took a deep breath and walked towards the infirmary. The only thing that could be heard was my loud heartbeat and my louder high heels. The reason for that is quite simple. Everyone in the agency was concerned for Atsushi since he has never passed out out of the blue. Hell even Dazai and Kunikida stayed quiet.

I hesitantly opened the door and made my way to a cupboard. I took a glance at Atsushi and immediately realized he's faking asleep.

"You can open your eyes now he's gone" I said while grabbing my notebook.

I watched him as he stared deep into my eyes. 'Heh I'm actually good at reading people.' I thought proudly. Soon I broke out of my thoughts and glanced back at him with a concerned look.

"Now hunny I'd like to discuss some things. Akutagawa told me what happened the other night..."

I watched as horror creeped up his face. I walked closer to him and sat at the chair next to his bed. He looked like he was about to cry so I placed his hand on mine gently in order to calm him down.

"Look, I know this is hard for you but this is a serious issue and it needs to be discussed..." I said calmly

"What do you want to ask" he said with a straight but somewhat scared look

"When did it start?"

"A few years ago... back when I was in the orphanage"

"Does anyone know about it?"

"Just you and Akutagawa..."

"And lastly.. have you ever done it intentionally?"

"No I haven't.." he lied

"Alright, that's all I wanted to ask."

I stood up and placed the notebook back in its place. I grabbed an apple from the almost empty table and handed it to Atsushi.

"Here have this"

Atsushi POV

I hesitantly took the apple from Yosano's hands and took a bite. It tastes horrible! Deep down it's not about the apple but food in general. After the orphanage's food schedule (1-2 meals a week) and all the mean comments I began feeling bittersweet about food. Soon enough my organs couldn't handle food at all and I ended up puking it all sometimes intestinally sometimes not...

Yosano stayed there until I finished my apple then left the room, her heels still the only thing echoing through the halls. I felt a little more at ease when the thought of me puking it all the time I got home came to mind. I shouldn't be thinking like this but I couldn't help but feel a little excited about emptying my body.

That's when it hit me. I needed to leave before I fully digested the apple. I stood up abruptly and felt a strong wave of nausea hit me but I ignored it. I started walking towards the main office where the exit was, holding the wall for support.

"Atsushi-kunnn~! You're awake!" A loud voice was heard from a distance

All eyes were on me. God I hated that feeling...

Soon everyone ran up to me and started asking if I was okay. My vision was kinda blurry now that I wasn't supported by the wall and my legs where wobbly. However I managed to make out some people. Around me was a tall brunette man, an equally tall blond haired guy, a smaller girl with dark blue hair and a blond kid. It was obviously Dazai, Kunikida, Kyouka and Kenji. I couldn't really hear what they were saying because of the constant ringing in my ears.

Even though I wasn't completely sure about their words, I told them all I was going home to get some rest.

"Are you sure you ... alone? You don't ... so good..."

That was the only thing I could make out. I assumed it was Kunikida talking since the voice was loud and serious. I tried replying but no words came out of my mouth.

"Dazai go with... and..."

I'm pretty sure he asked Dazai-san to accompany me on my way home I'm not quite sure about the last part.

________________

We arrived at my apartment it's now late in the afternoon. I reached my pocket to grab my keys in order to unlock the door but when I looked up I saw Dazai-san unlocking the door with my silver keys. Usually i would question it but I really wasn't in the mood so I just followed him inside.

Suddenly a question popped in my head.

"Dazai-san? Where's Kyouka? She should be home by now" I asked looking around

"Oh she will stay with Yosano because of a... woman's problem"

What was that "woman's problem" though?

"Any-wayyy~ im going home now. Call me if you need anything cyaaa!" He said as he walked out the door

The moment he left the apartment i just collapsed on the floor. I stared at the ceiling for a good 5-minutes before reminding myself my goal.

I walked towards the small bathroom, opened the lights and sat besides the toilet. I felt really heavy since I ate that apple so I was more than happy to relieve myself.

I put my fingers deep in my mouth and started gagging. I soon took my hands out and started throwing up. I puked the apple and then stomach acids since I haven't had any proper food in a week.

Once I was done I felt empty again. How I loved that feeling. I tried to stand up but failed multiple times. I didn't mind though. I just stayed on the floor with a big smile on my face.

I probably ended up falling asleep since the moment I opened my eyes the bathroom was as bright as ever. I yawned and adjusted my eyes to the new lighting. I got up feeling weak. All my excitement from last night had worn off. Now the only thought in my head was 'Great, another day'