Past memories | Shin soukoku | Atsushi angst

Chapter 8

TW: Sh (Self harm), Depression (idk if it's triggering but I'll put it here just in case😗)

Since last part was sskk now there's a full on Atsushi angst chapter>:D

Also I'll be using 3rd person a LOT in this chapter so you can tell me if you prefer people's POVS or 3rd POVS

3rd person POV

It's been almost 2 months since the incident with the ability user. He finally deactivated his ability but told the detectives the weretiger wouldn't get rid of it so easily. Specifically he mentioned that he would be feeling emotions stronger than before, whatever that emotion is. The detectives thought it would be for the better if they didn't mention this drawback to the tiger.

Atsushi woke up in his usual spot in the bathroom. He felt completely empty. Lately he couldn't handle things as well as he used to. He's stressing out in his job way more, always getting scared by the littlest things and many more. He didn't know what was so different than before. The ability user deactivated the ability weeks ago. He was supposed to feel better!

Atsushi was running late for work. He quickly put on his clothes and started running towards the agency building. Once he entered he was trying to catch his breath.

Atsushi POV

I can't believe I'm late again! God why do I have to be so irresponsible?!

"I'm so... sorry I'm... late" I said through deep breaths

The agency aware of the drawback, tried to not make it worse.

"It's fine brat just don't be late again" said Kunikuda with a calm voice, not looking up from his computer.

3rd person POV (idk I suddenly like writing in the 3rd person💁‍♀️)

Atsushi found everyone's behavior weird. Kunikuda would have normally yelled at him and told him to not mess up the schedule, Yosano would have given him something to eat and basically everyone was being extra nice and understanding. It wasn't like before, like they were pitying him about not eating food. This was different. It was like they were trying to be cautious for something. Atsushi deep down was enjoying it, who wouldn't like being treated nicely to? It just felt weird for some reason.

Atsushi walked to his desk, set his things down and started working. After about an hour, Atsushi had to write down a report. (All this time he has been working on his computer). He started by filling in the date and continued by writing the main part. Once he was approximately in the middle of the report he noticed his handwriting was awful! He erased everything and started from scratch. This time he was more careful, trying to make his letters more cycled but when he looked at the result, he wasn't pleased. He kept writing and erasing stuff getting more and more frustrated. Kenji looked at Atsushi's desk to see where all the noise came from.

"Hey Atsushi is everything alright?" The blonde asked concerned

Atsushi snapped the pencil in half because of the shock he got when Kenji started speaking besides him but also because of his current anger and frustration.

"Oh yea I'm fine don't worry Kenji!" He said with a straight face.

He was trying to smile. Really hard. What? Has he forgotten how to smile now? How pathetic.

Kenji walked back to his desk shortly after.

After what felt like ages it was finally time for Atsushi to go home. He packed all his stuff and left saying a single "Goodbye" to his colleagues.

Once he was outside the building small drops of liquid fell on his head. Great. It was now raining and he didn't have an umbrella.

He let out an annoyed "Ugh" and started walking to his house. Everyone around him was either under their umbrella walking fast or covering their heads with anything they could while running. Meanwhile Atsushi was walking casually.

After 15 minutes of walking he found himself outside his house. When did he even get there? Was he zoning out again? He ignored all the questions in his head, reached for the keys in his pockets and opened the door enough so he could enter. He dropped his now dripping bag on the floor and took off his wet clothes on the spot. He carried his things to the bathroom so they could dry on their own and he went to his room in order to grab some pjs from his closet. He put them on lazily and hopped on the bed.

He just stared at the ceiling questioning his worthless existence, remembering all the cruel things people have done to him and wondering if those people were right all along. If he really was just a worthless piece of shit. I mean his handwriting was awful and god knows when is the last time he smiled, he genuinely forgot how to smile.

Laying on his bed, still facing the ceiling, he moved his hands to his face and started forcing a small smile to his mouth but when he put his hands away, the same old miserable expression was on his face. How he hated that face, the one he'd been slapped at, cut, injured.

He tried to fall asleep multiple times but there was no avail. He just wanted to rest! He couldn't even do that?! He was so exhausted from work today and literally everything. He brought his hands to his face and grabbed it in frustration. He felt both mentally and physically exhausted. That was until a great idea came to his mind. What if he'd make himself sleep? He started thinking of ways to fall asleep faster. First, pills. He checked but there were none in his cupboards. Second, counting sheep. Kenji told him it helps you sleep but once again he was laying in his mattress wide awake. He didn't really know what else to do. He wanted to sleep but his body was preventing him from doing so. He felt so helpless.

Then, he got an interesting idea. He remembered how he would pass out after losing much blood in battles. He made his hand turn into the tiger's and made a deep red line in his hand. He still wasn't sleepy so he kept going and going until the dizziness hit him. He wasn't sure of how many lines he made his vision was blurry but he didn't mind. He knew all his self-made injuries would be gone by the next morning due to the tiger's ability. He threw his body back on the bed as he started losing consciousness.

His vision no longer contained the small bedroom he was in but an endless black. As his conciseness slipped away from him, he finally felt free. Free from work, free from stress, free from daily life...

He closed his eyes and let his self relax.

1199 words

Long Atsushi angst chapter in less than a month?!😟
Dw he's not dead just unconscious:>
Also tell me what you think about this new writing style, like should I tell the story just like this chapter or make different people's POVS?