How About No?

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Okay, so, this scene is after Y/N thinks Douxie is dead

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Okay, so, this scene is after Y/N thinks Douxie is dead. Just go along with it for me.

Love you, and enjoy. She's fifteen.

The sun started to go up, myself not caring the least tiniest bit if it did or not. Nothing in life seemed to matter to me anymore, how could it? He was gone. And I never had the chance to tell him.

The battle of Killahead was three suns ago, and in it, I paid a price greater than my life. Of course, being a maiden, I couldn't be allowed to fight, and how dearly do I regret having decided I would smuggle myself onto the battlefield. I was another foolish soul who believed in fighting for her country, her kingdom, her king, when in the end, nothing but blood was wasted away.

It's my fault, you know. Everything. He would be alive had I not gone. He wouldn't have done the 'honorable' thing and decided to stick with me. He told me to my face that if I dared thought of fighting, he would be by my side. He told me there was no in between. That it was either both of us here, safe, or both of us endangered, out there. And I was so foolish to have out us in a lethal position.

It's my fault he died, it's my fault he is gone. I shouldn't have let him join me, and now, he is dead. God, I shouldn't have gone in the first place!! How stupid could I have been!!!?? I put his life at risk!! I didn't care if I died, because I already did knowing he did. How many tears had filed my eyes last night? Ha! There could be an ocean filled only of my tears.

The only man I could ever truly, deeply love- the only one who understood me! Was dead.

My Douxie.... was dead. Slaughtered by Gunmar or one of his goons. He never returned from battle, and none of our soldiers had seen him return. But I still held hope, right before I found his tunic ripped in pieces, dripping in blood. I was so disgusted that I ran, throwing up everything I'd eaten that day, and cried. Surely having multiple panic attacks, since breathing wasn't a possibility.

I came back, and held his tunic in my arms, sobbing on my knees as his blood covered my armor. The knights and fellow soldiers had tried to pull me away that day, but I refused. I screamed, I kicked, and I cried, and none of them got me to leave an inch. Until Arthur came, and picked me up. I still screamed through my loud sobbing cries, but someone as large as Arthur wasn't, couldn't, be fazed by my flailing legs and arms.

He carried me back to Camelot, all the way me screaming and crying, as I held onto Douxie's tunic the entire way.

They took care of my wounds, all though I barely had any, all the while I kept a strong hold of his tunic, staring ahead at nothing of importance. The healing maidens worried for me, and informed Arthur as such. Merlin couldn't be found either, having magically disappeared as well. But I couldn't really care in that moment, as selfish as it may sound, because the only love and farther figure I ever had, we're most likely dead.

They stuck me in a hot water tub, still clutching his tunic to my now bare chest as the hand maidens slowly rubbed the blood from wounds and his tunic of my body, giving me a wet cloth for places I wanted to do it myself. I refused it. I didn't care for being clean, I cared for this to just be a horrible dream.

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