Rêveuse

Chapter 10.

They say that you know it's over when you stop arguing, because that's when you simply don't see the point in it. That's when you have nothing else to fight for. Luckily for us, we still felt there was something to fight for.

Charles and I came home from England and he told me that we're not going to be apart until we've solved things and things were back to normal. The issue is that it won't get back to normal because we're so absent from each other. He's racing, I don't want to be at the races, I want to travel, he wants me to sit in his hotel or in the garage and wait for him.

I didn't think forcing ourselves back together again was the right approach, but he wouldn't budge. We argued about the subject that had been in the center of many of our previous arguments, which was the PR aspect of our relationship. I didn't like that he used me as a prop, and I sure as hell didn't like that he lied to me about it. He could understand that the lying part upset me, but he didn't understand why I was so against helping our media image. He didn't agree that it was more about him than us. I felt he didn't understand that I didn't enjoy only being asked to spend time with him because it would help his image.

I would walk away when I felt the argument coming to a dead end, and he would follow me and try to make things better even though we never solved anything. I would lie down on the bed and he would come lie on top of me, trying to tickle all the frowns away.

We went to Jules' birthday together, leaving flowers and lighting candles. He held me so tight while I cried, and I wouldn't have asked for anyone else to hold me at that moment. Then we got together with Arthur, Lorenzo and Pascale at my parent's house. That day was tough, considering we were within the walls of so many memories on a day where enough memories were always flowing through my mind. We lit a candle on a cake while we sat in the backyard, and there was a gust of wind strong enough to blow the candle out.

Of course he has to blow his own candle out. It's his birthday.

That evening after the dinner, I was so exhausted and tired from the many emotions. I laid down on top of the covers and I let myself cry to ease the pressure. Charles came in a while later, said nothing and just laid down on the bed and wrapped himself around me. He ran his fingers up and down my arm and he held me tight, patted my hair down and left kisses on my head until I stopped crying.

"Viens avec moi demain," Come with me tomorrow, he whispered. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, ignoring his request. I had tried to explain why I didn't want to come to the races with him, and I thought he was trying to use my vulnerable moment to get his way. "S'il te plaît, je ne veux pas te laisser à la maison comme ça," Please, I don't want to leave you at home like this.

"Je me sentirai mieux demain," I will feel better tomorrow, I replied, rolling off of him until I had my back towards him. He followed me, rolling over to wrap his arms around me so that he was spooning me.

"Alors venez avec moi et passez le plus de temps possible ensemble... pas de média," So come with me and we'll spend as much time together as possible... no media, he tried, pulling me closer. "La plus petite entrée, vous pourrez vous asseoir avec Carla sur la terrasse et nous passerons les soirées ensemble. Tu me manques avec moi après une longue journée," The smallest entrance, you can sit with Carla on the terrace and we will spend the evenings together. I miss you with me after a long day, he added.

I was weak, and I didn't want to be alone. When he said sweet things like that it was impossible for me to say no. He probably knew that. He was already smiling when I turned back to him, sighing before I got up to get my suitcase out.

Charles did spend a bit more time with me that weekend. Not much more, but more than before. We still didn't solve anything, we just tried to make it feel like before. But there was something still bothering me in the back of my head every second we didn't speak about it.