Rêveuse

Chapter 25.

Present

I find it quite strange how I missed him as soon as he left. In the car at the train station, I didn't want to get out. I leaned over on his side begging him for one more kiss. He told me he'd come see me in Italy after the Monza race, but it seemed so damn far away.

I came back to my very empty apartment. It's filled with stuff, but it's empty and silent. So I had to distract myself. I unpacked, cleaned, cooked, and everyday I tried to keep myself occupied with work. I was in the dance studio teaching choreographies, making new ones and helping out some other coaches who had clients they wanted a second opinion on when something didn't look right in their routines.

My life had gone to checking my phone at every free moment I got, hoping to see a text from Charles. Whenever I did have a text from him, it brought the biggest smile to my face. Whenever we both had the time we'd be on the phone. I felt like a teenager again, lying on my bed, talking to him with the cheesiest smile on my face.

I was going insane not seeing him. Italy really couldn't come fast enough. I even called Evie and I told her about my frustration of being away from him and knowing that I would have to be away from him even longer when he goes to race the second half of the season. She even offered to go with me and make me a Red Bull guest to make it less suspicious, but I think people would think I'm taking a stand against Charles while Max and Charles are the two competing for the title.

My skin was crawling whenever I thought back on our time together in Alassio. Just a few days made the biggest difference. I decided that I'm all in it, and I'm prepared to do whatever to make sure we can work. Though, that means bringing up some topics I thought I would never have to bring up again. I will in due time.

A few days and I was already craving more time with him. It's like a relapse. All it takes is one misstep and you fall off the wagon. Though, this isn't nearly as bad as a relapse. It's actually quite the opposite.

He came all the way to Costa Rica to show me he truly wants me back. He seems so serious about it. He really wants this to work and he doesn't just say it but he's showing it. I know I have been doubting him, myself and us together, but I haven't been really open with him either. Sometimes I get angry at myself for holding myself back. I truly have an angel and a devil on my shoulder, but I don't think I like any of them. One is a coward and the other one is just cruel.

But I got a brilliant idea. At least I thought it was a brilliant idea when I got my suitcase out, packed it, got into my car and headed to Monza without telling anyone but Giulia and Lewis Hamilton who was most likely to keep my visit a secret while also being able to get me a paddock pass in time.

Luckily I wasn't the only one driving my Ferrari to Monza ahead of the Grand Prix. People who own them use the weekend as a good time to show it off to a bunch of Ferrari fans. But I parked mine in the parking garage of the only hotel I could find in the area that was free. But because it was free, it was fucking expensive.

I don't think I realized what I was doing until Thursday evening when I had just settled into my room after the three hour drive. What if Pascale is attending? Or Arthur and Lorenzo? Carla and Charlotte? How the hell would I be able to hide from them? Maybe I should've thought it through, but I was just so excited to see Charles. But how would I even approach him? He doesn't know I'm here. I can't just show up and talk to him without it getting attention.

Maybe I messed up.

I was looking out of my window, seeing and hearing Ferrari fans cheering on the street. There is always a lot going on ahead of the race. I kind of wanted to be one of the fans down there on the street, dressing up in my merch and drinking with other people who liked the same things I did.