Rêveuse

Chapter 14.

2023

During breakups you're expected to cry on your couch with ice cream, watch sad movies or go out with your friend and drink yourself senseless. I've read books and I've seen movies where the sadness causes sleepless nights and not enough motivation to get up in the morning.

I got up in the morning, I made breakfast, I went to the gym, I came home and took a shower and I went on as normal, without the part where I was wondering if I was going to hear from Charles that day. It's like I went on autopilot.

Maybe it's because I didn't allow myself to think about it. If my mind ever wandered to the happy memories I have with Charles, and what we had just given up on, I would get a pit in my stomach. But then I'd take a deep breath and I would find something else to think about. Not anything related to the breakup, because I felt like I needed some more time to pretend like nothing was going on before I started looking for other places to live and what I would do with my life.

I didn't tell anyone right away, I don't know why. I didn't even tell Evie right away. Charles didn't seem to tell anyone either, because I heard nothing from anyone. Maybe he told Joris, Ricardo, or Andrea, but if he would have told anyone else I'm sure I would've heard it. Pierre would've definitely called me if he knew. At least I think so. Charles and Max weren't as close anymore, it was more of a work relationship compared to how it had been before, so I didn't expect him to tell Max. We had already agreed to wait to tell the public, but we hadn't agreed on what to tell our parents.

Our parents would definitely take it the hardest, considering they were our biggest supporters in this, and our mothers had so much hope in us. They really wanted us to work out, so to tell them that it didn't would cause a frenzy.

I posted some brand deals on social media like normal, because now I actually need the money to pay for rent all by myself when I move out to live by myself. I would go from sharing rent cost, food cost and other general living costs, to taking care of it all by myself. I knew I needed to get a real job too, but it was one of those things that I didn't want to think about, along with the new apartment and how to tell people what happened.

I didn't cry a lot. It would happen every here and there when I got overwhelmed. A tear or two would fall, but I would force it away and then I was back into autopilot. I went grocery shopping, I made food, I cleaned the apartment, did the laundry, watched a show and went to bed.

People eventually started catching on that I was avoiding them. I didn't want to talk to people, because I was scared they'd figure out that we had broken up and then it would spread and everyone would know. I wasn't ready to talk about it, or even face the fact that it had happened. Evie kept pushing and asking if something was wrong, asking if there was the whole media thing again. She expressed her worry about me, thinking I was falling back into the same dark space I had been in after my injury. I told her a half lie, that Charles and I were going through a rough time, but I wasn't going into that dark hole again.

One day, in the middle of my daily autopilot routine, there was a knock on my door. Lo and behold, there was Evie. She had two bags in her hands and she immediately pushed past me when I opened the door and she dropped the bags on the hallway floor.

"Now, am I sleeping in your bed with you or am I setting up the guest bedroom?" She asked.

I stared at her, still a bit shocked. "What?"

"I rarely see you and now I rarely hear from you, so I'm not letting you walk around here alone all day," she replied.

"I'm fine with being alone," I murmured as I took her bags and I took them into our bedroom. Well... Charles bedroom. Or my bedroom. I was the one sleeping in it alone, but Charles would be the one to keep the apartment so it was technically his.