The W. J. Manares' Reader

Where's Yuri?

Cosmonaut Yuri Yaroslav was chosen for a top-secret mission by the Russian Space Agency. Equipped with his top-of-the-line spacesuit and a seemingly impossible task, Yuri prepared for the adventure of a lifetime. His mission? To explore the far reaches of the galaxy in search of pungent planets.

Yuri's excitement was undeniable as he boarded the Russian Secret Space Probe, appropriately named Odor-1. Equipped with state-of-the-art sensors and an array of advanced technologies, he felt invincible as the spaceship launched into the unknown.

Months passed by as Yuri diligently scoured the vast expanse of the cosmos, eagerly hoping to discover the most pungent and peculiar aromas. But his quest for olfactory adventures took an unexpected turn when he stumbled upon a previously undiscovered celestial body nicknamed "Turd".

Yuri couldn't believe his eyes—or rather, his nose—as he got closer to this peculiar planet. The stench was overpowering, even through his meticulously designed spacesuit. He gagged but pushed through, determined to fulfill his duty as a cosmonaut.

Upon landing, Yuri cautiously stepped out onto the planet's surface, only to realize that he had made a grave mistake. This was not just a planet emitting foul odors; it was an entire civilization of sentient Turds!

The Turds, with their beady eyes and quirky personalities, greeted Yuri warmly—well, as warm as talking turds can be. They explained that their planet, Turd, was a refuge for expelled waste from various galaxies, known for its unique ambiance.

Eager to explore and document this unexpected encounter, Yuri roamed the alien terrain, trying to understand the peculiar way of life on Turd. The Turds had their own society, complete with communities, art exhibitions, and even a notable Turd philosopher named Droplatov.

Yuri was captivated by Droplatov's philosophical discussions on the meaning of existence, often pondering the profound question, "If a turd falls in space, does it make a sound?" It was a strange mixture of hilarity and existential contemplation.

The Turds were enamored with Yuri, finding his human nature and his ability to laugh at their bizarre society endearing. They even presented him with an honorary title—Commander of Pungency. Yuri's space exploration had taken a truly bizarre and comedic turn.

However, as the months turned into years, Yuri realized that Turd had a strange effect on humans. The longer he stayed there, the more they began to resemble Turds themselves. It started subtly at first—Yuri noticed his nose sneaking its way down, and his skin taking on a peculiar hue.

The transformation was inevitable, and Yuri became part of the Turd community. He accepted his new lifestyle with grace, finding solace in the company of Droplatov and the other Turds. However, no matter how much he laughed or enjoyed himself, he knew deep down that he could never return home.

Even though Yuri's mission to Turd had completely derailed his original purpose, he found a strange sense of fulfillment in becoming a part of this peculiar civilization. After all, how many cosmonauts can say they ended up resembling the very subjects they were sent to investigate?

Yuri lived out his days as an esteemed member of the Turd society, his laughter and peculiar odor lingering across the galaxies. He may have never returned home, but he found a new kind of adventure—one infused with humor, acceptance, and a faint scent of the truly extraordinary.