The W. J. Manares' Reader

Wanted: God Wannabes

In the extraordinary realm of Heaven, aliens reigned supreme as celestial gods, overseeing the cosmic chores and making the universe spin smoothly. On Sundays, they would gather for a mythical brunch, where they discussed the latest extraterrestrial gossip and enjoyed supersonic croissants.

Among the numerous alien deities was the legendary Owtzirk, known for his three heads, twelve arms, and unyielding enthusiasm for intergalactic dance parties. Owtzirk, being immensely wise (and a bit mischievous), had crafted a list of qualifications for those aspiring to become heavenly gods.

To enter this sacred circle, one needed to possess an impressive ability to communicate with all forms of life across the universe. Alien languages, telepathic skills, and even conversing with rocks were considered valuable assets. After all, nobody wants a cosmically awkward deity who can't chat with a passing asteroid!

Furthermore, aspiring deities were required to be expressive dancers, capable of performing intricate movements that even the most flexible wormhole would envy. The ability to astound others with breakdance on multiple gravitational planes was highly praised. No self- respecting celestial god wanted to be caught misstepping across the cosmic dance floor, after all!

Of course, humor was of utmost importance.

Prospective heavenly gods required a vast repertoire of puns, knock-knock jokes, and interstellar tongue twisters. Anyone applying for divine status was expected to bring laughter and joy to the farthest corners of the universe, ensuring that even black holes themselves couldn't resist a cosmic chuckle.

In addition to these light-hearted qualities, a candidate needed exceptional problem-solving skills, as celestial matters often required quick thinking. Saving distressed planets from asteroid collisions or resolving impassable wormhole traffic jams—there was always an endless supply of cosmic chaos to remedy.

But the most astonishing requirement to become a heavenly god was the ability to blend colors. Yes, you read that right! The art of color coordination was considered the pinnacle of celestial godliness.

Competitors were subjected to the Color Harmony Trials, where they had to match the pattern of glowing nebulas, coordinate the hues of supernovas, and even paint breathtaking rainbows on comets. Only those who could create the most awe-inspiring color combinations would be granted eternal godhood.

As the word spread across the galaxy about the qualifications, beings from all corners of the universe journeyed. Humans with an affinity for alien languages, aliens who could boogie to the interstellar beat, and intergalactic comedians looking to spread laughter across the cosmos—everyone wanted a shot at becoming a deity in incredible Heaven.

Owtzirk and the other heavenly aliens welcomed new members, one by one, each with their own unique talents and extraordinary quirks. Together, they formed a celestial council of gods who kept the galaxies aligned, the stars shimmering, and laughter echoing throughout the universe. The celestial brunches became even more delightful, and the entire universe was grateful for the comedic and multicolored touch.

So, if you ever find yourself among the stars, remember to brush up on your dancing, learn some interstellar jokes, and always bring a colorful palette. Who knows? You might just become a divine alien god sooner or later!