Maybe, You Will See Me Now

016

It was the weekend, and Ijeawele had stepped out to the biggest supermarket in her neighbourhood. While holding a shopping basket in one hand, she stared at the cereal section in front of her. She wasn't exactly a fan, but she didn't hate it either. After squinting her eyes to take a good look at the price written below the product brand her mind was leaning towards, she picked up one to check for the expiration date.

One time, she lifted her eyes from the product in her hand and saw Andrew at the end of the aisle she was in. Her first and quick reaction was that she looked away and pondered whether to pretend not to have seen him or allow him to notice her presence. Without settling for a decision, she allowed her gaze to drift back to where he was. His smile was welcoming. His gaze fixated elsewhere, and when she followed it, she realized he wasn't alone. A young lady, somewhere in her early to mid-twenties, lighter in complexion, a little shorter than he was engaged in a conversation.

Ijeawele brows steadily furrowed. There was no denying her curiosity for the situation they were in. She withdrew her gaze away from them. For a second, she was still. It would seem her answer to her question already presented itself before she could decide.

... and I like you. His previous words were once again fresh in her mind. She didn't like it one bit. The thought of recollecting those specific words because of this unprecedented situation. She sucked in a deep breath, releasing it at once, and left the product in her hand into the basket. Then, she went in the opposite direction of where he was without taking another look at him. She picked a few more things rather quickly before proceeding to check them out.

Outside the building, Ijeawele wished she was here with her car rather than waiting for an autorickshaw and possibly getting caught by Andrew. That was the last thing she wanted to happen anytime soon. Finally, an empty ride stopped in front of her, and she got in. Before they drove away, she caught a glimpse of him stepping out of the supermarket alone. She wore a frown as she looked ahead. Wasn't she his girlfriend? The question played in her thoughts. Ijeawele momentarily shut her eyes. She really hated the fact that every little unknown detail about him was getting to her. In the past, she wouldn't even notice if he was there or not, talk more of if he was with anyone.

Another sigh left her lips the second she left everything on the dining table. She spaced out for a brief while, and when she was herself once more, she went ahead to her bedroom. During the time she changed into home clothes, she consciously had to fight back dwelling on any thought that involved Andrew. Somehow, she managed to get her way, and everything seemed good again.

The next morning, Ijeawele turned on her bed for the fifth time. She stared at the ceiling. The night had not been nice to her at all. Last night, she struggled with finding the peace to welcome a good sleep. Nothing in particular was clear to her on what the cause might be. She only understood how disturbed she felt. It wasn't her first time feeling this way. In a certain way, she had gotten used to the occurrence but not the feeling of it. She hated the feeling it brought with it. That of emptiness. An unsatisfactory and hateful feeling of existence. It was complicated and draining for her to understand. It wasn't always like this for her. She used to feel like her future was bright and that her existence mattered. Now, there was just a mix of several emotions that she wasn't willing or ready, perhaps given the chance to work through them.

Ijeawele wanted so desperately to feel like her old self again. Even for a little. She needed to start somewhere. Suddenly, she sat up. Maybe it was time she took her religion seriously again. After her divorce, she folded away from the church. Mostly because she didn't want to see the looks or hear the judgement some of the ignorant members could pass against her. Also, she didn't feel like there was a need for her to explain herself. At that time, she felt both the urge to hide away as well as stand strong. After all, she wasn't the one in the wrong. Somehow, she kept hoping karma would get those who wronged her. It never did. If anything, they looked happier, and she felt even miserable.