Never Enough Until You ( Scomiche )

Obsession Explained - Intro

If I have to explain this to you, we have to sidetrack a little bit. This might seem completely random and weird, I know, but just stick with me for a while. Okay?

Let's start with an information that I think more people should think about. Porn is not a realistic way to look up at sex. In case you didn't know it.

Some of you might pull a face, or roll your eyes at me. I know what all of you are thinking. "Come on Scott, really? This is not some big news."

But let me tell you. You might think you know it. You might think you're not influenced by it. But there will always be a little part of you, nagging in the back of your mind, wondering why it's not the same. And it's not, don't you fool yourself. Well, unless you're starring IN a porn movie, but you feel me.

For many boys, porn is the first contact we'll ever have with the magical world of sex and sexuality. A completely passive contact, something that will just serve as a purpose to discover what we really get turned on about, and what we enjoy watching - and then fantasize about, maybe while jerking off in the shower, or in your childhood bed, feeling some kind of shame in realizing that your mother will have to change your sheets. Hey, no, don't feel bad about it now. We've all been there.

So, I was saying, porn. Why do we watch it? For some people it's just a way to release some kind of tension very quickly - you watch it, you get turned on, you masturbate, boom. End of the problem, you can move on with your life without that annoying need inside your pants. I know people who don't just watch it for sexual appealing, but who also appreciate the development of the situation, wishing that something like that would happen to them - as if it wouldn't be extremely creepy to find yourself with a broken car in the middle of nowhere and then having a cock stuck up in one of your orifices. But hey, everyone has their kinks, I guess.

To me, it's always been about living vicariously through the scenes, the only way I can get what I crave. Now, don't get me wrong. It's not like I don't have sex - quite the opposite, I must say. Mother nature gifted me with a very nice physical appearance, so it's never been really hard to find a man to spend the night with. I'm also very lucky to have a quite enjoyable personality, so I usually get to have my partners begging to see me again and again - I even ended up in amazing relationships, always treated in the right way.

I shouldn't complain at all, I know what you're thinking. What the hell do you even crave in porn that you can't have in real life? Well, let me tell you. Mother nature was very nice to me, but apparently she couldn't let herself be the same with all the men I've had in my brief life, because dammit, she never gave these gorgeous men some nice cocks to go along with.

Now, it's not that the ones I've had in my life were so terrible. They were...okay. But that's it. Not amazing. Not incredible. Not enough.

Needy much? Maybe. But at 25 years old, after a series of great relationships and a long list of one night stands, you would think that at least one of these men would have given me the sex of my life. The toes-curling-and-mind-clouding kind of orgasm. No such luck.

Now I'm maybe complaining too much, okay. It's not like I've had bad sex - I don't think such a thing exists. Blowjobs are usually great, no matter how you do them. It might take more or less time, but if my dick is in your mouth, it usually ends up in a good way. And when I top, well, that's great as well - of course, that's not a problem. So what the hell is the deal, here?

That's where the porn comes to take the blame. Because fifteen years old me, while watching those dirty movies, couldn't just focus on the action going on. Oh no. Fifteen years old me could only focus on the big, thick and hard cocks shoved in some lucky fellas asses. And trust me, were those boys lucky.

But Scott, if you're a top, what's the deal with wanting a partner well equipped? Listen. This is why porn is NOT realistic. I'm not saying having an ass wrapped around your cock isn't great. But having it inside you? There are very few gay men who don't like that - and I'm not one of those. Switching is the more fun part of gay sex, and I would like to enjoy the moment, and not thinking about the porn actors I've seen in movies to bring me over the edge because my partner is not big enough to stretch me and make me see stars when pounding into me.

I know it sounds horrible. Sex should be enjoyable because it's sharing a connection with someone, and it shouldn't be about measuring the other person's junk. But it's not like I can help it. The body wants what it wants, isn't that what they say? Well, in this case, my body wants more than what it's gotten previously.

Trust me, I tried. And I still keep trying. The worst thing is that even though when it comes to sex I'm not satisfied, there's so much more about all the partners that I've had. I was very blessed in terms of relationships, because I always found gorgeous, caring guys that wanted to give me the world. And I appreciated it, I would be crazy to not do it. But I would have loved if with the world they would've given me a nice fuck too, when I needed it.

Sex on the receiving part has always been disappointing, so I mostly stick with topping. And I love it, don't get me wrong, but it's not enough. It's never enough. And even if I force myself to be satisfied with what I get, I just can't. In the end, I get frustrated, and that handsome man that I see like the perfect boyfriend suddenly becomes just this involucre of skin and muscles lacking of what I need most. And after that change of view, well, it doesn't take long before the relationship derails.

It happens all the time. Matthew, Nick, Joshua. Even Cody, which was the longest and most important relationship of all of them. I broke up with all of those amazing guys. In the end, what my body wants always win over what my heart wants. So for the last year I decided to mostly stick with casual hook ups, not even giving myself the time to properly know the guy I'm spending the night with, because I'm tired of feeling guilty about something I can't control.

I always run as soon as I understand that they want more, because I don't want to get attached and then break their - and usually mine too - hearts. I always try to take the door before things get too messy, but I never succeed - and I earned the title of asshole for this, even though I try to be as nice as possible in saying that I don't want to see them again. I wonder what they would think if I told them "It's not you, it's me and my demanding obsession of huge dicks. Sorry about it, but you can't win."

I know that it sounds funny and not at all a big problem, but in the end it's just sad. Why can't I just find the perfect guy with the perfect cock? Is it too much to ask? I really don't think so.

I'm a 25 years old who can't seem to be satisfied with his sex life - and in the end, with his love life. Just top, you'd say. Just don't complain about the average cocks you'd find, and try to understand that they are perfectly fine - because they are. Average is not bad. Average is satisfying for the majority of men and women of the world. So why can't I be one of them? Why am I so obsessed with wanting bigger and thicker?

Hell if I know. I never even tried, and that's what bothers me the most. Maybe if I did, just once, then I could move on. Then I could say to myself "Okay boy, you got what you wanted, now let's make it work."

I hope that one day I'll find one guy who will make me scream in pleasure, who I will be able to give myself completely and be pleased enough to enjoy it, and then make him scream too. I'm tired to just wish to be over with and resign myself to climax at the mental image of an unknown body and an unknown penis, instead of enjoying what I'm dealing with at the moment.

I need someone to please me in every aspect of a relationship, someone to share everything with, especially my needs. A boy can dream, right?

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A/N: What is this? Many of you might ask and the answer is that I don't even know.

No I'm not crazy. Maybe. Okay, possibly.

This is going to be funny, and short, so yes there'll be plot, but don't expect too much out of this, okay? I plan 15 chapters, at most. Updates shouldn't be too delayed, but you all know me.