❧ matt sturniolo imagines ☙

you drew stars around my scars

hey everyone! this story was requested by the user
@ ImHappierthaneverrr !! i hope u all enjoy reading it lol i've been thinking abt writing one like this for a while!!

for clarification, this short includes topics of self harm!! if this topic is triggering for you or makes you uncomfortable, PLEASE click off this short. this topic is not in every story of mine, so if this isn't for you then pls enjoy my other ones :)

hope everyone is okay!! okay i'll shut up now LOL love you guys sm!!!

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Like everyone else, you had secrets. Plenty of them. Some that not a single soul knew about. However, there were some secrets that didn't have to be spoken of for someone else to find out. Some secrets could be learned through your body. For instance, the scars that were scattered across your arms and thighs gave away a secret about how you handle yourself during difficult times. The old ones told people how long you've been struggling with this secret, and the newer ones told people that you're still dealing with it.

Some people look at these marks with distaste, while others may look with sympathy. Some even find you relatable when they notice them. You never expected someone to look at them with love, though. You found the idea of someone looking with care absurd. However, that's exactly how Matt looked at them. When you first showed them to him, there wasn't a trace of disgust on his face. You felt confused and a bit panicked as you'd never gotten this kind of reaction before. When Matt explained, though, you found yourself falling deeper in love with him.

He looked so lovingly at them because it symbolized how much you've grown to trust him. You were so comfortable and intertwined with him that you didn't feel the need to hide them from him, let alone swat him away when he pressed gentle kisses to them. Or when he carefully traced them with his finger. Or grazed over them mindlessly with the tip of his thumb as he scrolled on his phone.

You liked how nonchalant he was about them because it reminded you that despite the fact they littered your body, they didn't make you any less human. It made you feel as if it was normal to struggle with these kinds of things, and he didn't hesitate to reassure you that it was.

It is normal. It is human. It is okay. And there's nothing disgusting or monstrous about having scars.

He did make sure to have a short conversation with you about them and he told you that if you ever had the urge to do this to yourself again, just call him and he'd help you out. You promised him you would, he even went as far as making it a pinky promise, but you found yourself struggling to keep your word. The first time he caught you wasn't pretty. You were a mess and you'd screwed up your thighs, but he made sure to help you clean them and wrapped them thoroughly. You could tell he was disheveled, but he stayed in the shower floor with you until you felt okay to go to sleep that night and he reassured you that you didn't have to apologize. The next time he found you, he cleaned you up again and spent an hour rubbing your back after, which helped in calming you down. There were a few other times, but he remained kind and helpful throughout all of them.

After numerous occasions of being exposed with blood on your arms, or a new blade in the bathroom, or wearing hoodies in summer weather, you began to doubt you'd ever find the strength to stop.

That was until a specific day Matt had caught you. The day that changed the way you'd think of yourself for the rest of your life.

❦

Your morning was absolutely terrible. You were greeted with a throbbing headache right when you woke up, which would typically mean a rest day at home, but you had important things to do. You had three exams for three different courses, along with a two page essay that was due the next morning and an hour long lecture you needed to catch up and take notes on for an important class. Just the thought of all of that made your head pulse with pain.