13.10.23
i finally cried
after so many tries,
tears fell and my chest was starting to feel fine.
grief for two days
and who knows how long
a first experience
insane all-day long
pero naa japon ang sakit
ambot lang ngano gasakit ko oy
gipagawas ra ang hangin sa ako dughan
para kaginhawa pako
but
i hope you're doing well
i love you
i do.
14.10.23
What if she wants to cut me off
What if she wants to push me away
What if she decides that i'm just like people from her past
What if she just ends it right there
Thursday, she said
I got 4 days, and that is already long
But it's okay as long as I can talk to her that day
Hopefully and please don't end things this way
I cried again
By punching the wall, again and again
Making my tears fall, overflowing well
It feels good to feel alive again
I guess pain is the answer
The solution to the cold water
Freezing my heart, it's not even winter
I don't know what to fucking do
I keep thinking of you
I cannot stop
God help me
I don't even believe in God
It's so hard to leave you alone when tanan ako makit.an, mafeel, ma hear kay puros ikaw. Imo pahumot, ang tulips na ako gi order, ang pain sa ako left hand, and more.
It's very hard
So hard
I just hope you're doing well na.
15.10.23
AWBHWAHWAWAHWAHWAHWAHWAHWAHWAHWAH ga inoa raman ko oy
yes, it's best if i leave her alone na. that's what she wants.
and it's always been my thing to give her what she wants.
anyways wattpad, sorry, pero gihimo nani nakog pang rant diri. di mo kasabot ani, or basin naay makasabot.
ambot lang if makaya nako kay before jud ni nahitabo, kay nag tabi pami. nag overthink ko.
"I miss you na" I said and she replied "Ako pud :< I miss you na Axe, hays"
who will call me axe, now? no one, that's always been your thing.
"What do we do? Ayawg kapoul ha?" I pleaded. Worrying that she might, one day. She replied "yes Axe, I'll do my best to stay"
"I'll do my best to convince you" I said to her. "To stay" I added.
"Please, if ever gani, ganahan ko imo ko pugngan. Kibaw ko coping mechanism rana nako. Please, axe :<" She replied.
And I will. I will try my best to convince you.
But right now? The more I try to convince you, the more you stray away from me. So, tell me, what do I do?
"I will, even if it means throwing myself away. We'll just pick myself back up when I've convinced you to stay" I told her that day, and I was serious. I am willing to throw myself away but right now all I'm doing is making you even further away from me.
"I'll help you pick yourself up axe, like bangon ara kaya rani nato" Really? Do we? I don't even know anymore but I am always willing to.
She then sent an image she got from Facebook.
It stated:
" We fix it together
because that's what a relationship is about
going through life together
As a team
As against everything else.
because, you're the only one person I want
to spend my life with. "
Back then it meant so much, like yes of course. We should fix this together. We should face it together. We.
But you're fighting your own battles right now. While I'm here being selfish.
Take your time. I'll always be here, like I always say to you.
I'm not sure if you're reading this.
I will wait. I'm sorry if I was so persistent about contact the past few days. It was just a new feeling for me, I didn't know what to do. Everything was new. Even my tears.
AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA nag inoa rako
Anyway, I'll finally leave you alone.
At least 'till Thursday.
and that's where it would all probably end.
Have a great day.
