Fulfillment's. (Book 2)

chapter 19

I ran ahead of Enzo, through the corridors all the way to the Slytherin common room. Straight passed everyone and up to their dorm.

I opened the door to broken glass, belongings thrown everywhere and Mattheo sitting on the shower floor, fully clothed, gasping for air.

I didn't even think for a second, climbing right in with him. Cupping his face and forcing him to look at me.

"Mattheo! Mattheo, I'm here. Look at me please." I begged.

His panic attacks were frequent, we had worked on getting them better, before he disappeared on me.

He always told me, my presence itself calmed him. Enzo always came and got me, before it got this bad. But knowing how Enzo felt about the whole situation I could see why he didn't come and get me right away.

I wish he had.

It was hard getting Mattheo out of this space, once he was here.

Mattheo brought his blood shot, tear filled eyes to mine, grabbing me and pulling me into his arms.

I wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him as hard as I could. Pulling his head to my chest, holding it there with one arm, as my other wrapped around his back.

I felt him, completely come undone in my arms. Like a little boy, a broken little boy.

"It's okay. I promise, you're okay." I whispered, as my eyes started to tear.

I seen Enzo, watching out of the corner of my eye. He looked scared for him. Worried. He looked like he felt sorry I had to be here, doing this, right now with everything else.

I didn't mind at all. Being the victim of panic attacks, I know when you know what could bring you down from that gut retching feeling, you will do anything to get it.

I was that for Mattheo.

I loved that I was that for him.

I pulled him away, to look into his eyes.

"You need to tell me what brought this on, Mattheo." I rubbed my thumb across his cheek.

"I... I..." his breath was trembling.

"Talk, love. Talk to me." I nodded.

"I... can't forgive... my self." His eyes started to pour again.

"For what?" I titled my head.

"For hurting..." he couldn't even bring himself to say it. "I can't... loose you... I can't..."

"sh." I pulled him back in.

"I should've said no!" I heard his voice growing to anger.

"No. You did what you had to do. I know that." I squeezed him harder. "Look at me." I firmly said.

He brought his sad eyes to me.

"I will forgive you, I promise. I am not going anywhere." I nodded to him, "I love you Mattheo, I always will." I smiled.

I said it.

"I don't deserve you." He sighed, putting his hands over mine on his face.

"You do, love. I promise you do." A tear rolled down my cheek, "in time, we will be just fine."

I seen his panic, turn to calmness, feeling him melt under my touch.

"Until were grey?" He whispered, as he brought his head back to my chest.

"And long after that."