cliché

❝[☁️] t w e n t y - o n e 二十一

"You're worried." It's the first thing Seungmin says after approaching Minho, both of them now standing on one of the hospital's available balconies, leaning on the railing in a casual manner – a cigarette enclosed in-between the older male's lips. Minho went there as soon as Jeongin asked them out of the room, Seungmin following his childhood friend since he could only imagine how nerve-wrecking the past hour must've been for the latter.

Minho only looks away, shrugging in response. He tries to play it off cool, the same way he kept it together in front of Han – because on the inside, he was truly a one big emotional mess. "I guess it's only humane to be worried in such a situation."

Minho was known for keeping to himself a lot so Seungmin wasn't surprised in the slightest by this. Yet knowing the other boy for so long made it possible for the younger to decipher some of Minho's behaviours.

"No," Seungmin shakes his head, signalling that Minho was missing the point. "You're worried. Like, worried worried." He puts an extra emphasis on the word, not knowing a better way to describe it. He just knows that Minho will understand.

The brown-haired boy inhales a prolonged drag from his cigarette, slowly releasing the smoke right after. He stubbornly looks ahead, sensing Seungmin's stare pointed to his side profile. He keeps silent for a moment, hoping for the ravenette to let it go but his gaze only intensifies. Minho sighs at last, putting his cigarette out by pressing it against the railing.

"So what if I am?" He counters provocatively. "So what if I am worried sick about Han Jisung? So what if I care about him, huh? So what?"

"Minho..."

"No!" He suddenly yells harshly, startling the other. "You tell me, Seungmin, what is so fucking wrong with me if I feel that way about him?! I really do care a lot about Jisung but all of this is making me so fucking anxious..." He pulls at his hair, distressed. "I feel like I'm constantly on a rollercoaster and I have a fear of heights... I can't do this anymore..." his voice cracks on his last word. Seungmin realises with astonishment that Minho, indeed, started crying – his eyes now glossed over, the boy barely holding it together.

"Hey, Minho hey, look at me," he puts a hand on the aforementioned's shoulder, stopping him from pacing back and forth – a habit of his whenever he's feeling overwhelmed. Since Minho's head is hanging low, Seungmin ducks a little to catch the eye contact. "Deep breaths, yeah? Don't stress yourself too much. C'mon, let's sit down." He pulls over a chair from the hallway.

"Talk to me. What's the matter?" He softly asks the older, grabbing one of his hands and squeezing it for comfort.

"I don't know, Seungmin-ah..." He carefully wipes his eyes, not allowing any of his tears to spill. "It's just that I'm... that I'm..." he trails off, feeling as if something is blocking him from saying it out loud – his emotions bottled up, the cap not allowing them to pour out.

Seungmin catches onto it almost immediately. "It's okay. You don't have to filter yourself. You know I'm not gonna judge you. Allow yourself to get that off your shoulders," he encourages.

Minho inhales sharply. "I'm scared. And it's not the type of fear you get from an external factor. I'm just so... internally exhausted and scared."

"What scares you?" The ravenette questions, gently caressing Minho's hand which was still in his hold.

Minho's head shook, as if the boy tried to chase away an intrusive thought. "I... I can't really pinpoint it. I feel like... there is so much going on all at once. My life used to be so monotone, lonely, and boring... And now out of a sudden... out of a sudden I have so many new people around me, there is so many new situations, some things that feel unbearable and they make me so anxious..."

"I'm scared of... caring about people. I used to be all by myself so it's never been a problem but now... I'm just scared of getting too attached, you know? I'm scared of being hurt by watching those whom I care about getting hurt. I don't want to watch Jisung hurting even more than he's hurting now."

"Hyung, honestly, if you feel comfortable answering... how exactly do you feel about him?"

Minho slowly raises his gaze from where it's been resting on his lap. "I don't know. I just know that I've never seen anything more beautiful than the stars that shine in his eyes when he's genuinely happy."

❝[☁️]

Jisung stayed in the hospital for the next two weeks, the doctor assigned to monitor him happened to be a very nice and understanding guy, to Jisung's luck. When Jisung's parents arrived at the hospital the doctor explained to them what happened, also listing out medical issues they found after the check-ups. Several deficiencies, malnutrition, dehydration, exhaustion. Let's say Jisung's parents didn't look too pleased. His mom practically begged him to move back with them but he refused – he was too comfy in the apartment they rented for him.

As they were leaving, they passed by Felix who just bowed to them out of politeness, yet his expression remained cold. He quickly warmed up for Jisung though.

For the duration of those two weeks, Jisung mostly occupied himself with drawing in his sketchbook (Felix brought it for him), watching Netflix shows, and reading fanfics. It was getting more interesting when he had visitors. Felix with Hyunjin visited him almost daily, Chan visited him every day he could since he was incredibly busy (once he fell asleep in the chair while visiting so Jisung sent him off and told him to not overwork himself), Changbin, Jeongin, and Seungmin visited him separately a few times, and Minho visited him once.

"Here," he said, placing a big quokka plushie on Jisung's bed. "I saw this at a mall a few days ago and after seeing your collection of plushies back at your home, I figured you'd like it."

But that was about that. Minho never visited him again.

In between all of this, Jisung was dragged around various tests. Nurses were checking up on him from time to time, supervising his recovery, and the doctor visited him daily to inform him about his progress. Jisung was getting better, physically. But he knew that an IV drop couldn't fix his broken mindset.

They tried to get him to eat everyday, bringing small portions of food three times a day – they said Jisung's stomach has shrunk and it needs to be expanded back to normal slowly. When he refused to eat, utterly terrified that he had no idea how many calories he was eating, they still were gentle with him but also didn't hold back from informing him (it was more of a threat) that if he won't cooperate, they'd have to give him a feeding tube.

Seeing Jisung's behaviour around food, the doctor brought over a psychiatrist to work on getting official diagnosis for the boy.

"Dr Kim," the woman introduced herself while shaking the blonde's hand, smiling at him warmly. Han got a weird impression that she reminded him of someone but he couldn't quite place it. "And you must be Han Jisung, right? I have a few questions I'd like you to answer as truthfully as you can. There's no rush, you can take all of your time. I'd also like to remind you that our conversation is under professional secrecy so I have no right to repeat any of your words to anyone, except sharing the final diagnosis with your doctor. It's just a tool to help you get better, Jisung," she said in a comforting manner.

Jisung only nodded in reply, just wanting to get through this as quickly as possible.

She asked him around ten questions which he answered as best as he could, and then she handed him a questionnaire to fill out. It took him about another twenty minutes, correcting his answers a few times but he was finally done.

As he was handing the clipboard back, his gaze flashed to the name tag the psychiatrist was wearing. Dr Kim Yejin, Psyche Medica. Upon reading the name of the institution she worked for, something heavy dropped to Jisung's stomach. That's the hint Seungmin gave them...

"E-excuse me, dr Kim," Jisung calls after her when she was readying herself to leave. She turned back to him with a politely curious expression. "Do you... perhaps... admit patients privately?"

"Oh, yes! I almost forgot!" She fiddled with the inside pocket of her medical apron until she pulled out a small business card, giving it to Jisung. Psyche Medica. "You can check out our website, see our offer, and if you'd ever consider psychotherapy, you can always call to make an appointment."

Maybe Seungmin wasn't messing around after all...