Robin's Song

Shower Thoughts

Robin

"Ow, ow, ow."

Shampoo stings my eyes. I try to rub it away with my hands but it only makes the pain worse.

I can't tell if the tears falling from my face are from the shampoo or my twisted emotions. Probably both. The shower stream washes them away and down the drain.

Many things are overwhelming me. The temperature difference is not helping either. My bareback presses against the cool material of the shower walls. Hot water pours onto me.

The soap bar becomes the most interesting thing ever. I zone out and stare blankly at it, trying not to feel anything.

The showers here are a lot more modern than the ones at home. Home.

The word stings me and my chest tightens. I keep myself from punching something by crossing my arms across my chest and sliding to the bottom of the shower floor.

I duck my head to keep the water off of my face. The sound of the stream sounds like thunderstorms, much like the feeling inside of me.

I think back to my father's letter. The paper is now crumbled and under my bed. I kicked it under there out of rage.

Arlo entered the bedroom shortly after. Regret and sadness fill me. All he did was try to comfort me but I pushed him away. I should have been kinder but I feel as though I can't control my emotions.

I messed up. I have messed up so many things. My father is upset that his son can't do what he asked him to do. I feel like a failure and I wish I could prove to him that I'm not a slacker.

I can't though. I can't help him anymore.

Rapid thoughts fill my head and I try to keep myself from sobbing. My chest hiccups and my shaking hand raises to cover my mouth.

Expect a scene. Those were the words he ended his letter with. I picture all the terrible things that he could do at the ball tomorrow.

A few months ago I probably wouldn't be as affected by this news. But I screwed up and developed feelings for people who I don't want to hurt. The thought is unbearable.

My silent sobs turn to nothing. Nothing at all, except the feeling of numbness. I pick myself off of the shower floor and reach for my towel.

I try not to look at myself in the mirror but I have to shave. My hand runs over the new hair on my face. Grabbing the razor, I set it on the sink. I wipe away the steam on the mirror with my hand.

My blurry image is enough to frighten me. My face is puffy and my eyes are red. Wet hair is flattened against my face and it's dripping onto my shoulders. Seeing myself upsets me again. I don't know what it is but I don't like the fact that I'm alive right now.

I shave my face. I curse when I accidentally nick myself under my jawline. My clothes are crumbled on the floor. It takes me a while to gather energy to put them on.

The main room of the dorm is dark but I don't open the blinds. Dragging my feet, I move to my bed to sleep away my problems. A quiet knock comes from the far side of the room and I see Arlo standing in the doorway. His face is cautious, wary about whether or not to talk to me.

"This was left for you." He whispers and gestures to the package that I didn't notice he was holding. I don't move but Arlo does to set it down on my desk. He looks up at me but doesn't say anything.

"Thank you," I tell him before he leaves the room, "And sorry." Arlo turns back to me and we stare at each other for a moment. I feel like a little kid apologizing. Arlo gives me a small smile, a warm one.

"Of course," Arlo says and leaves me alone with the mystery package.

I fiddle with its black packaging for a moment. There is no name on the outside so I debate whether or not to open it. Screw it. Reaching for an envelope knife I cut the package open, revealing a box. I sigh and open it.

Inside the box, a tiny piece of paper lies on top of another box. I panic at first but the handwriting on the paper doesn't look familiar to anyone I know. All worries leave me once I see the signature at the bottom is signed as 'Mr. Basil.' Curiosity controls me and my hands reach to open the other box the clothing designer gifted me.

My hands dig through the box to find a black vest. I reach out my arm to open the blinds to see the fabric better. I hold it up to see the full details. Its collar dips into a deep v-neck and the sleeves stop at the shoulders. The black colored fabric feels expensive and the detail stitched into it is a work of art. The buttons going down the front are silver and I am almost shocked to see little birds in the design. They are small but I can tell they are robins.

I set the vest down carefully and pull the next cloth out of the box. I find the undersleeves next and the pants right after them, both of which are black. I find little silver accessories in a tiny bag as well. I try on a few of the rings and arrange them around my fingers. I'm quite fond of the look.

I truly am in shock. I don't know why Mr. Basil would do this for me. This is perfect timing, I can't believe it. I realized that I had nothing to wear to the ball tomorrow. I sit down at my desk and stare in awe at the outfit.

I move to place the gift in my closet and another piece of paper falls out from the clothing stack. It is written by Mr. Basil once again but this letter is longer.

Hello, dear!

I was disappointed to see you never stopped by my studio. What a shame. But everything is well because I have spent my time carefully crafting you an attire that will make anyone swoon. No need to thank me, the only reward I wish to receive is seeing you wear it.

Yours truly,

Mr. Basil

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Raise your hand if you've had a meltdown in the shower 🖐 I know I have.