Girl in love

Arsenal

It's been 8 months and I've just landed in England where Leah is picking me up as I'm staying at hers. Me and Trinity broke up because she thinks we wouldn't be able to do long distance. I haven't really spoken the last couple of days, my heart was shattered and I didn't know how to put all the pieces back together. I had left Lottie as well, I was in tears saying goodbye to her and then I boarded my flight and arrived here.

I get in Leah's car and I'm sure Jessie told her about me and Trinity, so she didn't force me to speak. I stared out the window at the typical rainy English weather until we pull up in Leah's drive. I grab my suitcase and we head inside. Leah shows me my room and I unpack. I go downstairs and see Beth and Katie McCabe sat on the sofa. I sit down. "So you're finally playing with us?" Beth asks
I nod my head then focus on my phone. "So what are you and Trinity doing?" Katie asks
I see Leah shaking her head at Katie. "Erm we broke up" I say. Tears pricked my eyes but I swallowed the feeling and focused more on my phone.
"Aww kiddo" Katie says and pulls me into a hug.
I break from the hug and sit back up. "Look, you can all stop feeling sorry for me. I'm done with it. Lottie did it. Now you guys. We broke up because she thinks we can't do long distance. I let her walk away from me. So please stop feeling sorry for me" I blurt out.

........

The next morning we head to training. "So anything new with you?" I ask Leah
"No" she says
"So no new relationships?" I ask
"No" she replies
"There must be something?" I ask
"I was going to tell you after training, but I may as well say now. Trinity called me last night. She said she's worried about you and she regrets everything she said to you. She thinks you two can sort things out" Leah says
I look out the window and sigh. "You don't want to sort things out?" Leah asks
"I don't know" I mumble, we arrive at London Colney and Leah shows me around.
We eventually get ready for training and we go outside, "it's cold out here" I say.
"Get used to it, it's never warm" Leah says
"And didn't you live in Canada?" Steph Catley asks
"Yeah I did but I had proper stuff on. Not thin material like this" I say
We get to the pitches and start training. Jonas pulls me to the side "I do this with everyone every so often, I want you to tell me what's going wrong in the game. They are having a mini match so what's wrong with it. Why can't they get through on attack?" He asks

"Erm, Leah is playing too close to the goalkeeper one wrong move and it could end badly. Zinsberger is staying solid in the middle so if they shoot left or right she won't be able to stretch as far. Frida is running far too much so is losing breath quicker, the centre forward should be supporting Frida to tackle. Alessia, isn't getting much support from the midfielders. She's expected to run upfield by herself with the wingers trailing behind her when they should be running upfield slightly infront so she has support" I say

"Thank you, I'm glad your here" Jonas says
He pats me on my back and I go back and train.

After training we head back home. I get to Leah's and see Stephanie phoning me. I roll my eyes and end it.
"They are just worried" Leah says
"I don't care how fucking worried they are" I say
"Hey, watch the language" Leah says
"Your not my mum" I shout at her
We go inside and I storm up the stairs, I get in the shower then change into some pyjamas. Leah shouts up "the girls are coming round I hope you don't mind"
"Okay" I reply

I call Jessie. "Hey" I say
"Hey, you good? I know about Trinity. I'm sorry" she says
"Don't worry, it's just hard and I don't think Leah sees it. I'm in such a bad mood and I don't feel motivated to do anything but I don't want to disappoint anyone either. Like I feel like none of the girls like me or anything. It just doesn't feel like home here" I say
"I know it's hard moving clubs. I'm going to be soon, I'll be in England soon. And it's even harder when you've just broken up with someone. Trust me, Leah is patient, she will listen to you when you need it. Just trust me lo, I know it's hard now but it will get easier" she says
"I know, it's hard. I'm in love with Trinity and I don't know how to move on from her. And the next camp we have is against the USA meaning I have to see her as well. I don't even know how to act around her, it's always been real thoughts because I've never had to be fake around her." I say. Starting to cry.
"Hey, hey. It's okay. Cry it out" Jessie says. This is the first time I had properly cried over it.
The call ends and I cry hysterically just trying to get it out of my system. Leah walks in and sees me crying.

She hugs me and I lean on her. Listening to her heartbeat. But nothing is calming me down. "I know it's hard" Leah says and kisses my head. "I just can't do it anymore" I say behind my sobs.
"Yea you can. You can't let one idiot knock you down" Leah says
"That's the thing, she wasn't an idiot. She was special and I love her" I say, crying even more.
"Can you get me the bear out of the drawer" I say.
She does and I hold it tight. It was the bear she gave me as a present for a 6 month anniversary gift.

Eventually I calm down and drift off too sleep.

I wake up and head downstairs I see some of the arsenal girls sat on the sofa. I go into the kitchen and Leah follows me. "Hey kiddo, you doing good?" She asks
I nod my head, a tear rolls down my cheek. I quickly wipe it away when Leah pulls me into a hug. "Sorry for being a baby" I say
"Hey don't apologise. You can't help it, it's hard I get it" she says
More tears fall from my eyes I sit next to Katie and she gives me a hug. I give her a weak smile before burying my head more into her. I get a message but I don't pick up my phone. More notification sounds happen. "I think you should have a look" Katie says
"It's fine" I say
Katie picks my phone up and looks. "It's Jessie" she says

Jessie

How do I tell you this?

Call me maybe :)

Wait no, get Leah to call me

I look at it. "Leah she wants you to call her" I say
Leah stands up and goes in the kitchen. I feel my breathing getting heavier. I sit forwards my arms in my legs. A tear falls out my eye. Katie hugs me. "Hey breathe, it's gone be okay" Beth says
"But Jessie normally tells me things straight up" I say
"It's gonna be okay. Maybe since your already upset she doesn't want to make you worse" alessia suggests
The door opens and I look at Leah. She looks deflated. "What's happened?" I ask

She grabs my hand and says "