COMRADES • Eren Jaeger

EXTRA CHAPTER: Comrades

Chapter 14.5

From the top of the wall, you could see everything. The sun rose across the horizon and broke dawn.

Silhouettes of men and women clad in uniform on patrol duty. Down below, the vast expanse of Trost District, tiny as a city of clay. Above, the infinite sky. Beyond the wall, the mountains and plains of Wall Maria where shattered hopes and dreams lay unburied.

Eren once told you that it was freedom that lay beyond everything. That the walls were a cage, ensnaring those who didn't dare to venture into the outside world within.

You wondered how he could be so sure of something that he had never seen before.

You were going to go to Shiganshina soon. To that basement, to Eren's hometown, to catch a glimpse of the broken pieces of his past life before you came into the picture.

Eren was the sun — everything revolved around him, everything depended on him, and if it ever came to the point that he exploded, everything would burn down with him. Including you.

Puppy love could not protect you once that day came. Still, as the sun, his pull towards you was an unbeatable force. There was no escaping the fact that you gravitated toward Eren because he was the centerpiece of the Survey Corps. The wild card. The hero. Perhaps others like Jean and Levi wouldn't understand, but you would. Opportunities to be happy and form real connections were so scarce that you wanted to hold tight to him for as long as you could.

You knew you were putting yourself in real danger, of getting into a relationship despite the risks that came with your line of work. Eren could die, you could die, or anyone else could die and it would send you spiraling. You liked to think that you were getting better at handling grief. That it was easier to shut down your emotions and shove them aside. It was as easy as putting away a scorching torch on a wooden desk.

"What are you gazing into the distance for?"

Green eyes washed into yours as you turned your head to meet Eren. Your boyfriend.

You thought you'd hate the word boyfriend, but your heart fluttered, joyous to have someone to pour itself into. You'd spent your life in a world that was so full of hatred that it felt foreign to have someone that loved you. To look at a person who was not family and know that they harbored a deep affection for you. A reciprocal of emotions. Two lost souls, fucked up beyond measure, hearts beating as a singular object.

When he asked you to be your boyfriend, you did your best to mask the emotions bubbling inside you. You weren't stupid. To be in a relationship, with Eren of all people, was like shooting an arrow at a star and actually expecting it to land. People would whisper. It might distract both of you. But it was Eren. The world was on fire and Eren was an oasis. Eren, with fiery passion and hard-headed temper, the flame you wanted to consume you until you were ash.

Plus, he asked to be your boyfriend. Not ask you to be his girlfriend. He asked to be yours.

If you were going to die anyway, you knew you had to take the chance.

You gave him a lopsided smile. "Guess."

"Shiganshina is in the south, you know," he pointed out. "Not the West. Maybe the sun?"

The sun. Eren.

"I've been thinking what would happen if one of us were to die," you said casually.

The effect was immediate. Eren's eyes flashed with mild surprise, then slight panic, and then it morphed into a glare. "Hey, we've talked about this."

"Talking about it won't make it go away," you said pointedly. You should have felt unsettled that the topic of death came to you so easily, but it only felt like a tight compression wrapping around your chest, like a bandaid you knew you had to rip out.