Sweet Summer Sunsets- A Robert Irwin FanFic

Ashley

I quickly blinked away the tears that sprung up while Robert rubbed at the healing cuts on my arm. I know he wasn't trying to make me upset or feel bad about it, but I couldn't help but feel guilty for taking my emotions out on myself, and that maybe Robert saw me the same way he saw an injured animal. 

I wanted to be better, to not feel like I was damaged or broken. I wanted to be comfortable with myself and who I was, and I wanted to get to that point in my life soon. I was tired of not feeling like myself and feeling lost. 

It was at this moment- sitting here with Robert, enjoying the holiday, that I mentally made a promise to myself that I would try to work towards getting better, being the version of myself, and living my life the way I wanted to. Sure, there were some changes I was going to have to make, and I knew it was going to take effort and a lot of work, but if I wanted to make my dreams happen I had to put in that effort and work. 

However, with it being so close to the end of the year, I considered waiting until the start of the new year. Not as in I wanted to hurt myself more until then, but to give myself time to breathe and feel my feelings, especially those considering Jackson. And then I would start throwing myself into my art once the new year started, really dedicating myself to it. I knew Robert would be by my side, whether as a boyfriend or a friend, the whole time.

I silently took a deep breath, calming my nerves while I thought of all the things I'd have to do in order to prepare for selling my art, and the type of things I wanted to start with, things that could be sold in the zoo gift shop. I thought I could use this time between now and the new year to plan, look up ideas, gather information, and get started on a few things to prepare myself for what the new year may hold for me. 

"What are you thinking about, love?" Robert asked, his voice interrupting the sound of the television, which I wasn't paying much attention to anyway. I wasn't even sure which movie he had put on. 

"I'm just thinking about my art and what I want to do with it. I think diving into it this next year would be a good idea," I said, turning slightly to look up at him. He turned towards me as well, letting me know I had his full attention. 

"Well, that's great! I'm glad to hear it," he replied, smiling as he spoke. Oh, the things that smile does to me, I thought. 

"Yeah, until then, I'm gonna gather ideas and stuff and figure out what I want to start with and start on some things, and of course, we can still do the painting classes with the animals," I said, gently picking at my nails.

"That's a great plan," Robert spoke. He looked at me in such a sweet way, his blue eyes sparkling. "Just don't overdo it, and make sure you take breaks. And this goes without saying but I'm here for you. Don't force yourself to bear the weight of things if I can help you out."

He gently reached out with his left hand and gave my right arm a light squeeze, leaving his hand gently cuffed around my bicep. He gently rubbed his thumb back and forth, caressing the inner part of my arm. The motion made my stomach do gentle flips, with his thumb also grazing the side of my breast.

I wasn't wearing a bra, as I usually didn't sleep with one and it was warm enough in Robert's house that I didn't have to worry about him or his mum seeing my nipples through my shirt, which it wasn't like I cared anyway. All of Robert's family knew that I was more or less opposed to clothes, as they were all witness to a toddler version of me taking off clothes whenever I felt the need to. My mum gave up and sometimes just kept me in a diaper, she figured it was easier than having to hunt down my clothes. Not much has changed since, except for the diapers and me learning the appropriate times and places to remove my clothing.

But the feeling of Robert's thumb grazing the side of my breast with only my thin pyjama shirt separating the two sent shivers down my spine. I swallowed hard, looking down at his hand on my arm.