Han Jisung, a struggling music producer, is completely smitten by a handsome, cold bar back by the name of Lee Minho. He hates the way Minho makes him feel, and after learning about Minho's past, Jisung wants to hate him even more, but can't help ho...
There is non-explicit sexual content in this chapter, along with themes of self deprecation and anxiety (very minimal). Please do not read any further if these topics are sensitive to you.
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Jisung was nervous. Something about Minho made the younger worry about his appearance and the way he carried himself, almost scared that the elder would turn him away based on his habits and lazy lifestyle. Jisung didn't know anyone who wanted to have relations with an insomniac who produced music until he could barely keep his eyes open, and ate the same take out several times a week; but his last boyfriend would disagree.
Dating his ex was an experience, to say the least. It was blissful at first, given that their relationship started during Jisung's prime time in college, so naturally everything was great when you were under the influence of soju and weed. Jisung wasn't the same person he is now, always partying, drinking every weekend, showing up to class but slacking off, doing his best to indulge in his younger years before adulthood grabbed him by the throat. His ex liked him like that; encouraged it, rather. Mainly because he was the same way.
He was a dancer. He had strong thighs, a muscular torso, veiny arms and hands, but had a love for partying. It might be obvious that Jisung has a type by now, considering Minho is nearly the same as his ex, he just chooses not to think about that. His ex, Seojun, was everything to him. They dated for eight months, and loved each other for six. Jisung still loves him.
He's not emotionally unavailable for Minho, he just doesn't want to get tossed to the side again. His past is his past, Jisung knows that, but he hates how Seojun had a grip on him, claws embedded into his heart and soul, and it was a hold Jisung was unsure if he wanted to let go of.
With Minho, Jisung felt oddly calm and safe, wondering why the elder's smile and his laughter always brought out his own; it was insatiable. That's part of the reason why Jisung so readily agreed to meet Minho at his apartment close to midnight, walking down the sidewalk in downtown Seoul without another care in the world.
He really doesn't do this type of thing. He doesn't go to another male's home without the promise of sex or alcohol or something to get the antisocial insomniac to free himself from the clutches of his freelance work. Felix and Seungmin alone struggled to get Jisung to escape and take a breath of fresh air, so the fact that Minho could do that with one simple question, that alone made Jisung nervous.
He hates how Minho makes him feel. He feels like everything is so easy, so unnerving; Minho just had that aura around him. Minho was kind and open, working hard to keep himself afloat while also keeping his body physically fit and his mind mentally sound. Jisung couldn't be fucked to do any of that. He was too tired, too busy; it was too much to ask of him. He wanted to do those things and incorporate better habits for himself, but he's never found the motivation to. Music was his everything now, especially since his love life is about as active as a graveyard, struggling to produce his first love song in months. He didn't want to admit it, but he used to write his love songs about Seojun. Now, without a muse and without purpose, he finds himself stuck.
