reticent

78

• AMALIA •

When I wake up and tentatively walk downstairs, my mother is gone.

Even though I said I wouldn't care, I didn't expect to actually feel nothing. I think when I thought she died years ago, I grieved her and moved on to the best of my ability. Now that she's back, it's like it isn't her. Like there's a random person inside my mothers body, using her face and her voice. But it isn't her.

I walk through the halls until I get to the back door. All of my brothers are sitting around the large fire, with Petal on Masons lap. His eyes are glued to his phone, and he types on it quickly. Guilt swirls within me at what I said to him, and I frown. He looks up, meeting my eyes, and smiles gently.

     Xander follows his eyes and motions for me to come out. I do, curling my arms around myself, and sit down between Grayson and Elijah. I don't look at any of them, except for Cole when he says my name.

     "Amalia." He whispers. "You okay?"

     I nod.

     "Have you had anything to eat since we got back?" Elijah asks.

     I shake my head.

     Xander stands. "I'll go make you something."

     "I'm not—" But he's already walking into the house, leaving me with the rest of my older brothers. I let out a small sigh, then shiver a little from the cold.

     "Here." Grayson whispers, passing me the hoodie beside him. I say thank you as I pull it on, then bring my legs to my chest and lean my head on my knees, looking into the fire.

     I feel a hand on my back and jump, but when Elijah starts to rub his palm in small, gentle circles I relax. Then, his voice quiet so only I can hear as the rest of our siblings begin their own conversation, he whispers: "you're gonna be fine, angel. Nobody is ever going to hurt you again."

     I glance at him. He smiles. I look away, but he doesn't take his heavy, familiar hand from my back.

     "Where's dad?" I ask softly.

     "He went to sleep. He was tired." Grayson responds.

     "Oh." I whisper.

     A few minutes later Xander comes out with some food for me. "Thanks." I mumble before taking it, eating small bites until it's gone.

     Half an hour passes before I stand. "I'm going to bed."

     I go to walk through the door, but Cole pulls me back. "We don't get proper good nights?"

     I sigh. "Goodnight."

He tilts his head. I roll my eyes before leaning down to hug him. One by one, I hug all of my brothers, but it's Mason who holds onto me the longest. As he hugs me, I whisper, "I didn't mean it."

"I know. It's okay." He replies gently. He kisses my cheek, then gives Petal to me. "Goodnight, piccolo orsacchiotto."
(T—Little teddy bear.)

•

I don't go to my room, I go to my dads. He's asleep when I get there, so I set Petal down and climb in beside him wordlessly. When the bed moves, he opens his eyes a little to look at me. He smiles gently. "Are you okay, baby?"

I nod and move closer to him. He wraps a strong arm around my shoulders and kisses my cheek.

"I love you." He tells me. "You know that, don't you?"

I nod again as Petal nudges the covers up so she can climb beneath them. She walks to lay beside me, and I stroke her little head.

"Good." He whispers, holding me to him with both of his arms. He plants another kiss in my hair. Then, with a nervous voice, he adds: "I booked you a therapy appointment for when we get back home."

I pause, but then mumble, "okay."

He furrows his eyebrows slightly, like he's surprised I'm agreeing so quickly, but honestly I'd be doing it for him and my brothers rather than for myself. I doubt it'll do anything, but at least they'll be happy because it looks like I'm trying.

He smiles. "Thank you, sweetheart."

I close my eyes and go back to sleep.