I'll always be

Chapter 9 - Fear

THEA POV

Same night

I add the finishing touches to my look. Scrunching my curls once more before lightly misting myself with my perfume. Grabbing my small emerald hand bag to go with my dress I head out of my room, taking my long but steady strides because I'm not tryna fall in these heels. Without full awareness or reasoning I stopped at Summer's door.

Ever since the way she looked at me i've been urgent to do something. Something, anything to know she wasn't upset, that I didn't do something wrong, that we're okay. The unfamiliarity of this urge, to my disappointment, failed to denote its effect. I haven't stopped thinking about the moment since. I keep replaying it is my head each time becoming more and more confused about what the interaction meant. My mind flooded with conclusions most far fetched and outdrawn, others mild and more realistic, one was just simple. The look meant nothing, it was nothing and i'm overreacting.

"I'm crazy," as Mari would say.

So now i'm stuck, standing in front of her door searching for reassurance to fill this pit in my stomach. I knock.

"Hey, I just wanted to let you know I'm ready when you are. I'll be waiting downstairs." I say through her door.

The silence that followed made me all the more weary. Because silence meant that she was upset, I did do something wrong, and we were not okay. Almost a minute had past but I just couldn't leave the door. For the same reasons I couldn't leave Summer's restaurant that night. Leaving made it real.

Regardless, maybe it's not my place to try and prevent that. I turn to walk down the stairs, but quickly reverse once I hear footsteps.

I lean my ear against the door and i can feel her on the other side.

"I'm sorry I was in the bathroom, I'm almost done, imma meet you down there in a bit." She said loudly through the door I respond with a just as loud "okay" and head down the stairs enjoying the lightness of my shoulders.

I pull out my phone and mindlessly scroll through social media. I couldn't tell you how many minutes passed before I heard her door close and her coming down the stairs because I wasn't paying attention to the time. I stand from the stool at the island and walk into view at the stairs.

"Ready?-" my voice alters at the end of the word because I was was not prepared for was seeing. Summer was wearing black double-knee carpenter pants with an emerald satin shirt that had a bow at the neck and blouson volume sleeves neatly tucked into her pants. She had on Doc Martin loafers and her curls were out in their full glory, some strands relaxed on her face.

Calling her 'beautiful' seemed like an injustice. It was too generic too simple to fully incapsulate everything she was not just because of what she was wearing but because of everything she was. Her entire essence captivated my full attention, monopolizing my eyes, adorning them to only her image. Only her.

GOD I CAN'T

This is the part where I'm knocked out of my daze and a familiar feeling rises in my stomach.

Fear

I'm not sure why it's back I just know I don't like that it's here.

I shake off my thoughts and finally speak, "You look...beautiful" I say reluctantly opting for the description that doesn't make me sound like a creep.