Then and now

Chapter 11: Amira's POV

Not edited. 

I wake up with a disgusting taste in my mouth, crust in my eyes, and a throbbing head. 

I have minimal memory of last night. 

I remember seeing Norah and talking with her. I remember meeting her dealer, OJ. 

A shiver runs down my spine when I remember Jackson. Though I was wasted, I remember Jackson being unbelievably touchy. I just didn't have the energy to get him off me. 

I don't remember anything about how I got back to my bed. Maybe it was Norah?

I realise that I don't have the willpower to figure it out right now, so I get out of bed and head straight for the shower. 

I get dressed into sweats, trying to ignore the horrible feeling in my whole body. 

Not only am I hungover, but seeing Jackson last night has left an unsettled feeling in me. I can only hope that he doesn't tell Logan. The more I think about it, the more that hope dies inside me. 

They are extremely close- why wouldn't he tell Logan? 

I know that the goodness in his heart isn't enough to keep him from telling Logan. The only reason I can think of why he wouldn't tell him, is the way that he was acting towards me all night. 

When Logan and I were together, he was extremely controlling and protective. He would punch any guy that got close to me. 

I liked that trait about him at first, but it ended up becoming the thing that almost killed me. 

His tendency to use violence as the answer whenever he got angry quickly turned from punching walls and other guys to punching me. 

No one in my life knows about Logan. 

My best friend, Lily knew. But she moved to go to university at Yale. She was always extremely smart, and one year older than me. She is the only one that I had told about Logan, and is still the only person in my life who knows about him to this day. 

Lily was extremely hesitant to leave, and despite it being a year after we had last seen Logan she still was pretty set on staying here. 

I made her go though. Yale had been her dream school since she could talk, and she has worked so incredibly hard for it. 

Not saying I don't miss her though. Of course I do. She was and still is the only person in this world I can trust completely. 

When I finally told her about Logan after keeping him a secret and lying about where I was, I broke down in her arms and she cried with me. 

She helped me create a plan, after almost a year of him being in my life. 

We decided that we would tell him that if he doesn't leave, that I would tell my dad and get him arrested. 

I was only 16 when he first met me, after all. 

He was 18. He would get in trouble. 

So, he left. 

I have no idea where he went. 

A main worry of mine was that he would try to kill me. 

I told him that Lily was watching, and that she would call the police with video evidence if he tried anything. 

Logan is really just a pussy when it comes down to it. 

Can't face the consequences for his actions, ever. 

I only realise I am crying when I look in the mirror and see the steady flow of tears rolling down my face. 

I take a deep breath, and head downstairs to do the thing that I have done to calm myself down since I was a kid. 

I bring out the notebook with all of my recipes in it, and flip to the page where I have written down my perfected, signature brownie recipe. 

Baking has been an escape for me since I could walk. 

My dad used to bake with me, and those memories are some of my favourite ones I have with my dad. I don't remember the age that he stopped baking with me, but it had to have been around 15. 

A lot of people find cooking and baking stressful, but I think it is the most relaxing thing you can do. Everything is planned out- you don't have to worry because it comes out consistent every time. 

I put all of the ingredients together, only thinking about the food in front of me. 

Once the brownies are in the oven, I debate who to give them to. I never just eat them myself, because I enjoy giving them to people and seeing the graditiude on their faces. It heals my soul to see people happy for something I did for them. 

I haven't baked in a while, actually. I stopped when my whole life fell apart. I just didn't have the energy for it anymore. 

I'm not sure where the motivation to do it now is coming from. Maybe the fact that Asher, someone who used to bake with me is back in my life. 

Sometimes when I'm with him it feels like we are kids again. Whenever I hear his laugh, see his smile, look into his eyes. 

It's all the same. The connection between us is still there, whether platonic or romantic. 

Once they are done, perfect as always I put them into a container and leave the house with them. 

I knock on Ashers door, hoping that he's home. I find myself excited to see him, something I haven't felt for ages. 

The door opens and his mum comes into view, a big smile on her face. 

Dissapointment fills me that it wasn't Asher. 

"Hi sweetheart, what can I do for you?" Her voice is full of motherly warmth, and it immediately brings me comfort. 

"Oh, I made some brownies and thought you guys might like some." My voice is more timid than I want it to be. I pass her the container and her face lights up. 

"Wow, thank you honey! I know the little one is going to love this. Asher too," She gives me a wink and I smile. 

I say goodbye and start heading back to my house, with a slight skip in my step.