In My Rearview Mirror, JACK.HUGHES

ONE

"I think that living with your brother helped you a lot but you might need some intimacy." Says dr.Jensen. 

I bite the inside of my mouth as I nod my head in agreement with her statement. She's not wrong; it's been a year since my ex-boyfriend and I parted ways. Perhaps it's time for me to move on and reclaim my independence. I've been relying on my brother lately, and it's becoming a lot for him as well.

Every day, I remember the day when he took me to a field full of flowers. My friend Nadia insisted on doing my nails that morning, and we went shopping to find a fancy white dress for the evening. It all seemed so obvious, and everything happened so fast in my head. I was anxious because deep down, I knew I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to get engaged.

I met Hunter in California, in Los Angeles, at an excellence awards gala. Back then, I was working as an interior designer and had the opportunity to work on the decor of a short film. The director invited me to the gala to help me make contacts in the industry, but unexpectedly, I ended up finding myself a boyfriend. 

He was a baseball player for the Dodgers, and it wasn't the complexity of his schedule that was the issue, as I was already aware of its demanding nature, thanks to my brother. The main issue we faced was the significant age difference between us. He was 30, and I was 23. Our relationship felt rushed because he was ready for things that I wasn't. Despite being deeply in love with each other, we found ourselves fighting every day. Arguments erupted over almost everything.

The day he proposed, I accepted. We made a public announcement, but within a month, I decided to end the relationship. We sold our house, and from that point onward, we never spoked again. The situation felt awkward, and I couldn't envision myself as his wife. I realized I wasn't prepared for the responsibilities that come with adult life.

As soon as my brother heard the news, he insisted that I move with him to New York. He's an NHL hockey player for the NY Rangers, now in his seventh season since he was drafted in New York.

 Since a young age, everyone knew he would be a prospect for the NHL. Our parents invested all of their money in his future career. We grew up in Michigan, where he played for the the USA hockey NTDP.

Being the sister of a famous hockey player and the fiancée of a well-known baseball player put my name on the map. I attracted considerable attention on the internet, which in turn opened doors for me. Moving to New York proved to be a rather beneficial idea after all.

I've had a few small job contracts, but nothing significant at the moment. I love my job, and I love feeling valued for my progress and success. I have always been an artistic and creative person. 

"Okay, well, that's all for our monthly appointment. I'm glad to see that you're feeling a lot better; you've made a lot of progress," she congratulates me as I get up to leave the room.

I thank her kindly and head to the receptionist to schedule my next appointment. I book on the 14th of December. 

Outside, it's pitch black dark. Since we're in mid-November, it's getting colder in New York. My nose is so cold that I can't even feel the tip of it. I walk quickly to the restaurant near my therapist's office, and my boots make a lot of noise on the floor as I rush toward the door.

Coincidentally, my neighbor Olivia works at this restaurant, which happens to be close to my therapist's office. When I first arrived in New York, I used to have an appointment every week, and after each session, I would come here, sip on a drink, and engage in conversations with other customers.

"Gosh, it's so cold outside today," I say as I put my coat on the available seat at the bar. Olivia winks at me and offers a glass of wine. "They're wild tonight, 3 - 2," she says while smirking at the TV above us. Many clients in the restaurant are screaming and booing. I look and say, "The Devils vs. the Rangers, you know how it's going to end."