Read Between the Lines

Chapter 16: I still want you

ANNTONIA's POV

I'm in love with you. Said Michelle's voice inside her head. It's been on replay like a broken record and she's about to get a headache because it gone louder and louder as time goes by.

"The nerve of that idiot to say that and walk away before I even get the chance to say it back?! Ughhh! She's so fucking annoying!!!" She screamed in a muffled voice against the pillow on her face.

But could you ever say it back? A part of her mind asked and that made her get up from lying.

She fell in deep thought, thinking.

She knew she was in love with Michelle. She often thought she'd been in love with her for longer than she realized and she accepted that fact as easy as one would accept the air into their lungs. But she was just so damn bad at this whole thing. She think she wasn't ready. She didn't know how to love, to trust, to believe if real love still exist and not just a game for people with reputation like Michelle. And mostly, she didn't know how to allow herself to love again.

She's damn scared.

She sat on the edge of her bed for hours, just thinking about it all. Technically, loving is easy. That wasn't the hardest part at all. The hardest part was trusting. Can she still trust her especially after what happened on her birthday? Though she realized that wasn't been entirely the girl's fault, but there was just a part of her that wanted Michelle so badly to wear the blame like a crown so that she'd have somewhere to point her finger at. It would've been easier to blame her for being hard to love than to blame herself for not knowing how to love her.

She feared that between her trust issues and Michelle's commitment issues, they'd never be able to find a balance. But like her, whatever it is that's between them, she wanted it too. She wanted them to find their balance, to find a way and meet each other in the middle. She knew deeply how much she wanted it to work. She didn't want to lose her, at least not without a fight. So maybe assigning blame wasn't the issue at hand, not right now. She's been sad over it, been mad over it, they'd argued over and made things clear, and now it was clear to be over it for good.

So for what must've been the hundredth time, she found herself taking that hundreds of steps to rushed to her. It was a recurring scene to them; like a deja vu. One of them did something dumb and then they said things they didn't mean, so they rushed to each other. It had been like that since they'd been picking things up and it hadn't changed. Because relationship or not, Michelle is still the one she wanted to see at every end of the path she walked on.

Before entering the building where the girl's apartment is, she took a deep breath and asked herself over and over if she was ready to face everything head on. And there's only one answer from her heart and mind that screamed in unison; YES.

When she reached her doorstep, she couldn't stop fidgeting. What if she wouldn't want to see her? What if she wouldn't open the door just like what she did to her? Her hand was trembling when she press the doorbell but to her surprise, Michelle opened it so quick as if she's been waiting for her.

Yes. She preferred to think she had.

"I'm in love with you." she blurted out as soon as the door was open, not even giving the girl a second to process her presence there.

She watched Michelle blinked, her face turned red immediately as her eyes widen in surprise though she stayed silent for about 10 seconds. Which 10 seconds longer than she would've liked. Eventually, she saw her sigh.

"Yeah, that's what I said earlier." The girl answered with sarcasm and she couldn't help but throw her a sharp glare.

"Now's not the time to be smart about it, Michelle."