Her Melting Point

Halmos Ever After

You asked for a double update? Here's a double-length chapter :) 

Love,

K. xx

"I've been looking into having a baby," Jackie said quietly. "That's why I was going to the clinic. I started the process two years ago, back in Bristol. I had a stable job, and– Well, I've always wanted a child." She gave him a gingerly glance. As always, his face was utterly impassive. "I sort of put it on hold when I got invited to Fleckney," she continued. "But I decided that I'd give myself a year to settle in, and then I'd try. I'm over forty, the risk factors are already high. Although, I'm healthy and apparently still very much fertile. So, yeah..." Jackie pulled at the corners of the duvet, wrapping in it more tightly. "And then I realised that I didn't want to wait a year. And that even if I'm forced to move again, I still want to have a child."

He wasn't saying anything. Her previously drilled-in inability to withstand a silent treatment almost made her blabber on; but then she remembered whom she was dealing with.

"When you say 'having a baby,' you mean an artificial insemination, right?" he finally asked, frowning.

"Yes, of course." Jackie couldn't hold back a chuckle. "I wasn't going to hook up with some random bloke in a pub and hope for the best. I had an IVF treatment plan. I was divorced and– I definitely didn't expect to end up in a committed relationship! But of course then you and I got together. Although,  it's not like we're–"

She bit her tongue. The furrow between his eyebrows deepened.

"It's not like we're– what?"

"Well, we aren't exactly a typical couple, are we?" she retorted in a defensive tone.

"I don't understand this," he deadpanned. He put down his bowl and shifted on the futon, offering her more of the duvet, and at the same time getting a better vantage point. "What is a 'typical couple?' And what does it have to do with you having a baby?"

"I suppose it really isn't related." She didn't sound convincing. "It's just some people meet, and move in together, and then get married, and then have a baby. Not that I want any of it! Getting married or buying a house or–" She jerked the duvet up, uncomfortably reminded that she was starkers. "But couples like that make this decision together, and we– I decided on it when I was single. And I still want to go through with it! And I suppose when people are going to bring up a child together, that's when it's a shared decision, innit?"

His gaze grew unfocused. Jackie picked up one of his stylish borosilicate glass mugs and took a sip of tea, mostly to keep her mouth occupied.

"I'm processing," he said. "This is new information."

"Right, yeah, of course," Jackie muttered. "I've been meaning to bring it up many times, but it's been one drama after another. And– And I honestly wasn't sure how to go about discussing it with you."

He nodded, his eyes still on the opposite wall. Despite the warm drink, Jackie felt a small shiver run through her. Her mood was plummeting.

She was searching for a different topic for a conversation, when he stated, "I never thought of having children."

Jackie's breathing hitched. He blinked purposefully a couple of times and met her eyes.

"I don't want to pass my ASD to a child," he added darkly. "Or my father's genes."

Jackie pressed her lips, swallowing her next line. No matter what she thought of his neurodiversity or about the fact that everyone had some skeletons in their genetic closet; arguing with him would be insensitive. After all, 'my body, my rules' applied to both sexes.