A Demon's Past

Chapter 17

Andras seemed to space out as I confessed how I was feeling, but it was as fleeting as my sense of regret for having told him. It was incredible how he made my worries disappear with just a few words.

"I apologize. It is my fault your companion couldn't come tonight," he sighed. "I understand how crowds can be unpleasant, I must confess, I don't usually like people very much."

That was honestly not what I expected at all. I'd only seen it once, but Andras had a way of owning every room he walked on. He was one of those people you instantly like, he oozed charm, and I suspected he could say even the rudest things and never be perceived as anything other than playful.

"You don't?" I asked, my surprise evident by my tone.

"I have very few real friends, beings I know as well as they know me," he looked away. "And I usually avoid spending time alone with those I dislike or find uninteresting."

I thought his choice of words was strange. I was about to ask when I realized something.

"So, you find me interesting?" I blurted out, having trouble stopping myself.

He smiled at that and looked me in the eye as he said, "There is no one in this world I'm more interested in." My cheeks heated in response, unsure of what to say or do then.

I was surprised, but the first thought that came into my head was: Why?

Had he been dreaming about me, too? Did he know me?

And there it was again, that look of mischief and something else. Something I couldn't name. I'd been trying to avoid my foreign feelings, trying not to think about how none of this makes sense. I'd been dying to ask.

So I did. "Why?"

"You know why," was his response as he turned to look out of the window with a playful smile. But something else was in the air. There was something he wasn't saying.

He then grabbed a bottle of champagne that I had no idea where he was hiding and handed me a glass. 

"Cheers," he smiled, "To you."

I blushed and smiled back as I clinked my glass against his and said, "Cheers."

He drifted off, staring at the moon with what I could only describe as nostalgia.

It seemed only logical then.

There were a lot of things he wasn't saying.

____

The moment we arrived at the party, I felt my stomach knot, and I started shaking. It was a lot worse than it should have been because of the five glasses of champagne. I think I shouldn't have drunk anything. It was affecting me a lot, suddenly overcome with memories I would rather forget.

This didn't make any sense. People drink to forget, so why was alcohol making me remember?

It made me think of the times it wasn't like this. The way I would always go from party to party, having conversations with total strangers. I was careless, I was stupid and naive.

But I was so happy.

Andras, of course, noticed the way I was shaking, and before he got out of the car, he placed a hand on my knee and squeezed lightly. "We don't have to go if you don't want to," he offered.

Warmth spread through me as he touched me with so much intimacy, but the feelings were soon surpassed by the rising panic I was feeling.

How could I explain to him I did want to? That I was dying to. How could I make him understand I was terrified but excited? I was so excited because he was with me.

If I could only do this, maybe I could get better. I could get some of myself back. 

I'd managed to go out with my friend the night I came back to New York, but I was sober. Why was I better at controlling my anxiety when I was sober? Isn't it supposed to be the opposite?

I closed my eyes for a moment, to calm my breathing and think of a way to apologize for making him leave his party when he said "Tell me little lamb, what is going through your head?"

"I..." I started,"I don't know," My mind was a mess, and I could feel my breathing turn shallower and shallower until I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack.

"Arella," Andras said gently as he took my hand once more, and I was inundated with a feeling of absolute peace. All it took was his touch to ground me, allowing me to feel every ounce of his warmth despite my panic "I need you to breathe for me. Can you do that?" he asked. His voice was like the sweetest honey on my tongue.

I nodded, taking a deep breath. He grabbed one side of my face with his free hand, forcing me to look into his eyes. I have no explanation for what I saw in them. "You're safe, I'm with you," he kept talking, but then his eyes changed, and so did my world. Suddenly I stopped listening.

I was quite literally lost in his eyes.

Blue, but if you look closer, it is the sea, calm and beautiful. Deep and mysterious. But then the color turned amber, it was the sky, a sunset with orange, pink, and yellow hues that felt so beautiful I'd want to paint it if knew how. Then green, a tropical forest, filled with life and energy.

I was mesmerized, lost in the ever-changing pictures I could see. Before I could understand how it happened or what I was seeing, he said, "Are you feeling better?"

I was, for some reason. I could breathe now, and it was hard to keep the images out of my mind, but I had no explanation for how he did that. The alcohol was getting to me.

"How did you do that?" I asked.

"Do what?" he tilted his head slightly.

"Those images..." I could not process what was happening or how it happened. I saw very clear and vivid images in his eyes, the world, the wonders of nature.

He took a deep breath and released the side of my face, only offering me a  mischievous smile. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

He got out of the car and crouched to look me in the eye as I shifted my legs out of the car.

His expression turned stoic, but I could somehow feel his nerves as he continued, "I can't say much, but I will say this... Trust me, Arella." he finished, and that left me with more questions than answers.

My mind was hazy from all the champagne, but what he was asking of me felt simple enough. I could trust Andras, and I already did. And surely there is a very simple explanation he could offer me, one that I couldn't come up with because I was drunk.

I nodded, and his charming smile came back as he stood up and offered me his hand.

If I had known then what I know now, I never would have taken it.