This changes everything

Chapter 16: Its Just Dinner

It was Friday night, of the same week of my first week back at Arsenal.  My first week seeing Leah since the break up, seeing all my friends again, and seeing Jill Roord in a new light. 

But again, It was just dinner, no expectations, just two colleagues having dinner, that one of them was making for the other, and getting to know each other.  Why was I trying to convince myself it wasn't a date, when it was so obvious it was. 

I did my makeup and got dressed, then headed out the door and drove to Jill's. 

I wasn't feeling nervous, it was just dinner. 

---- 

I arrived at Jill's flat.  She opened the door for me, and once I got in I saw the table nicely put together, with a vase of flowers, the plates and utensils set up like we were eating at a fancy restaurant in the city core of London.  She was thoughtful about it all. 

"This looks nice" 

I smiled at her and she smiled back. 

We sat at the table and she plated the food she made for us, and it was far from fancy considering the set up of the rest of the table.  Tomato soup and grilled cheese. 

"I heard this was your favourite, very American of you by the way" 

I was just surprised she knew it was my favourite. 

"I'm Canadian" 

"Same thing" 

She laughed at me, clearly knowing she hit a nerve on by saying that. 

She then poured us both a glass of wine, and sat down at the table across from me.  We ate in silence for a bit, I think both of us were feeling a bit awkward.  Until she finally asked a question that left me speechless.

"So do you really think you and Leah will get back together after what she did?" 

Does she know Leah cheated?

"I don't know" 

Simple response. 

"I just want to know if I'm wasting my time" 

She was so forward about it. 

"I don't know what the future holds, obviously I'm hurt, but I really thought her and I would be forever" 

"Thought?" 

"Maybe it's because she was the first girl I ever got with, or the fact that she made me realize who I am, it's hard to let your first true love go, maybe she was the person I needed to realize that I was gay, and there is some girl out there who is my soulmate, all I know for sure is that she changed a lot of things for me, the way I see the world, the way I see myself, and most importantly what I want from life and how I choose to lead it" 

She took a minute to process the monologue I just blurted out.  

"I thought the same way too you know" 

"Did you?" 

"When I was 17, I was with this girl, my first girl, we were so in love, I pictured a life with her, and then one day it went away, at least then I moved for football, It was easier to forget her and move on, if I saw her everyday after that, I think she would always be in the back of my mind" 

"But you still think about her sometimes" 

"Only to remember how silly I was, I was young and we still are young, there's so much life for us left to live, why should we worry about the people who hurt us"