This changes everything

Chapter 27: How do we move on from this?

One week after we arrived back in London, the first article came out. 

One week after the first article came out, there were thirty more that had come out. 

The following week, social media accounts started covering the latest drama. 

It was a photograph of Leah and I in Heathrow airport after our flight landed. 

A singular photo of Leah with some random girl had sent the women's football world into a spiral.  A lot of the fans were invested in one of the greatest Arsenal defenders' love life, while others cried in outrage that it wasn't them in the photo. 

Then here we were a month later, people soon found out who was in the photo.  That it was me, an ordinary girl from Canada, who worked as a sports psychologist at Arsenal.  When everyone figured out it was me, that's when the hate started flooding in.  

Maybe because I wasn't a professional footballer, and I was simply just ordinary, that people just wished it was them instead of me.  The consensus was, I wasn't considered great enough for Leah, which was something I was starting to believe. 

Once it was figured out that I was the girl in the photo, it had gotten back to my professor.  Not only did I lose my job, I lost my place in my Phd program.  I lost everything I worked so hard for, and I wasn't ordinary anymore, I was nothing. 

----- 

"How do we move on from this Leah?" 

We were laying in bed, like we had been doing for the past few weeks.  I hadn't left the house since the first photo came out, but Leah was leaving in a week for the Olympics.  We both promised that we would make it through all of this together, yet there was so much doubt in my head. 

"I don't know Abi" 

"I knew getting involved with you had its risks, but now that its actually happening, maybe I'm not as strong as I thought I was." 

"Don't say that" 

"And what if everyone is right, my success could never amount to yours, maybe i'm not good enough for you" 

"Just because you're not a professional athlete does not mean you're not successful, you work so hard to get where you are in life, and you are so much more successful than I will ever be" 

"It's just hard to believe that right now" 

"I know, I get it" 

----- 

Two weeks later and I still haven't left the house, at this point Leah was at the olympics.  Most of my day was spent on the couch, with Olly curled up beside me.  I did leave the house to give him a walk, but it was short and only around our neighbourhood, I wasn't venturing too far.  

I wasn't eating, I barely had been since the first article came out.  I lost about ten pounds, Leah was starting to get angry at me.  But it wasn't like she was mad, more like she was worried for me. 

Leah would call me every night to make sure I was okay, both of us knew I wasn't, but there were things that were easier to hide from her, now that she was in Japan.  

I could tell her that I was eating, because she wasn't here to watch me shovel food down my throat. I could tell her that I was sleeping, because she wasn't here to watch my eyes close.  I could tell her that I was leaving the house, because she wasn't here to watch me put shoes on and walk out the front door. 

Of course I felt guilty for hiding these things from her.  But the past couple of months have been horrible for me, in which she put so much of the hurt I was feeling onto herself, she was playing at the olympics, she didn't need me as a distraction right now. 

But there was one thing I could do, to try and help everything go back to being normal.  It was just something that I never wanted to do, not again. 

----- 

England lost in the quarter finals against Australia, they were upset, but at the end of the day it wasn't as big of a tournament compared to the world cup or the euros. 

Leah came home a few days after the loss, due to covid athletes had to leave basically right after their event finished, to limit the amount of people that were in the olympic village. 

When she came home, we fought, she could tell I looked skinnier than I did before she left, and everything spiralled from there.  I told her it was from the stress, which was true.  I was so anxious all the time that putting food in my stomach made me sick.  But her constant pestering made her sit down with me, and help me eat. 

And then, the worst happened. 

"What if we take a break?" 

Leah looked at me confused. 

"A break from what?" 

"Us" 

This was never the way I wanted things to go, but it was the only thing I thought I could do to help me get my career back. 

"Why?" 

"If we take a break, it could help me get my career back, and then I can show that are relationship doesn't effect me professionally" 

She looked down. 

"Am I not good enough for you Ab" 

"What?" 

"You're with me, you could spend all your time with me, and we could have a happy life now that we're out to the public, is that not good enough for you?" 

"It's not that Leah, I can't sit around a play housewife, you know that, I want to make a difference in the world, and I worked so hard for it to all be gone" 

She nodded her head knowing I was right, but I could tell a part of her still felt like I didn't think she was good enough for her. 

"You will always be more than I ever deserve, I just can't give up on my career like this, I think this break is the only way everything will work out" 

"Just promise me we'll find our way back to each other" 

"I know we will Leah." 

---- 

A/N: 

-Don't hate me, this was bound to happen. 

-Shorter, but I wanted to make an impact yk? 

-I feel like I haven't talked about my life in a while on here, but I'm really happy, uni is kicking my ass, I started a new job, and i think I might finally be over my breakup (Knock on wood). 

-As always thanks for the love:)