Aim to Engage 2023

27 Memory Loop

"When is he?"

My assistant peered through the observation window.

"He wanted to go back to his wedding night first. Probably one of the best things to ever to happen to him. Before sleepless nights with babies, or endless terror when your teenager misses curfew." Privately, I thought of each of my wives. The mother of my children, and the wife of my old age.

This project, the Memory Time Machine had a different twist. Allowing the traveler to go back into their own lives and relive particular moments along the way, it was a request from the Mental Health Consortium. The machine had safety parameters. I crossed my fingers behind my back hoping they would override the appeal of this spot in Jurgen's life.

"Seems he's fighting with the protocol. He volunteered; he knew how it works." Janine shook her head when a red blinking light appeared, and a soft bell tone began its endless beep.

"I should have chosen someone else. Younger, less depressed. His wife's death is too recent," I whispered as I turned to the computer to select the override protocol.

Janine's rueful laugh mocked me.

"Should have, could have, would have, useless right now. We need to get that working." She inclined her head toward the screen I was feverishly filling with code as I reprogrammed the retrieval mechanisms.

"Your problem, your decision. I'm glad I don't have to explain this," Janine said.

"Just keep watching him. Even though we can't see what he is, we do see the results of what he's seeing. Perhaps we can utilize a pause, or relaxation in his fingers. The next stop is the birth of his daughter. I'm not sure he even wants to go there. The girl is a double for her mother."

With time Jurgen would see little Bella as the gift she is, but in the depth of grief, I wasn't sure. I know I wasn't able to stomach Allen's face for weeks after his mother passed. Now he's my joy, bringing back amazing memories.

"At least the fail safe is working. He hasn't changed any of his memories." She pointed up at the brain wave imprint making its way across the comparative control board. "We knew that was the biggest risk, because of the disasters of timeline disturbances in the normal observational machines."

"Don't count on it," I warned. "Jurgen might not see it our way."

I hit compile on my alternative code. Crossing my fingers behind my back, I spun my chair to watch Jurgen's supine body in the machine. His long form sagged deep into the custom memory foam. I chuckled, likely a remembered orgasm.

I saw the same signature when observing other time travelers as they visit some of the historical red light districts of Old Amsterdam. Everyone tries it when they have their personal choices validated. It's a perk for gathering accurate data and correcting the often faulty history recordings in Earth's Timeline Database.

"Why is sex the only motivator when people have a choice on these experiments?" Janine's question was one I asked repeatedly.

"Because endorphins produced when orgasms happen can and do cure a number of painful things. From injures to depression, they are a way to help many recover from traumatic experiences. It's the way our bodies are programmed to reproduce and to make sure we keep a healthy mental status."

"Well, it looks like he just had one." Janine confirmed my observations and a ping from my computer indicated a successful compile and update of the retrieval protocol.

"Hit the power button, Janine. Jurgen is coming back no matter what he's got going on in there."

She pushed the green button beside the door twice, turning it to amber and then red.

I waited for interminable minutes as the mechanisms inside whirred through the power down. Jurgen appeared to be sleeping comfortably, so no need to wake him.

"You know he was the perfect candidate, don't you?" Janine's rhetorical question reminded me of the Grief committee's insistence on dealing with early death issues.

"Don't remind me. He was caught in the mire pretty hard."

"Question is, did it help or hinder?"

The new voice belonged to Dr. Sigmus, head of the Consortium.

"First do no harm, right Doctor?" I didn't trust my own legs at this moment. The ethics committee agreed with Dr. Sigmus. The possible healing was worth the risk.

The door opened, sliding back with a hiss.

"I'll let you deal with it." I waved him into the small chamber.

Jurgen swung his legs toward the floor and brought his elbows to his knees. His hands cradled his face and his shoulders shook. Crying?

Dr. Sigmus knelt in front of him and wrapped him a one armed hug. His other hand gave us a thumbs up. The first test was a success.

But what if's flooded into my head. Jurgen had a reason to live, would the therapy help or hinder if terminal illness hovered in the background, or long term uncured depression? Where we on the right track? Or did we build something that gave in to right to die activists?

Janine shook my shoulder, bringing me out of my ruminations.

"Take the victory. If it brings even one back with a will to heal and live once more, it's worth it."

I wondered out loud, "Is it?"