The Alpha's Addiction [BXB]

21: Touch

It doesn't take any words from me for Cyrus to send the guard away and eagerly approach. "May I come in?" he asks, voice hopeful.

I hesitate for a moment, wondering if this is a good idea, but then give in, backing away from the door to make room for him to enter. I suddenly feel shy. What do I say? How do I act?

He must notice, because he says, "Please don't be so tense, my moon,"

"Okay," I reply softly, wringing my hands. I decide to walk to the bed, sinking down on it. He settles on the chair near the desk, careful not to get too close, presumably after how I reacted when he found me naked and trembling from Rex's assault. So he's just there, intense gaze set on me. I feel my cheeks flush against my will. Moon Goddess, why does he always have to look at me like that?

"I've wanted to see you. It's all I could think about, these past few days," he confesses.

My heart stutters. "W-what stopped you?"

His face is apologetic as he processes my words. "You... fear me,"

He looks absolutely dejected at the notion, and I can't help the guilt that overcomes me. But I can't be bothered to outrightly deny it anymore. I am scared. Of alphas. Of Cyrus, because he's one of them. How can I not be? Look at what they have done. But that does not mean I want him to think it's personal. 

"I don't fear you. You have never given me reason to, Cyrus. I... I fear your kind. B-But it is nothing against you, I promise,"

"I know this," he sighs, shoulders slumping, "If I could change what I am, I would, my moon. If the Moon Goddess allowed, I would choose to have been born as a beta, an omega. I'd do it in an instant,"

Now that--I was not expecting. "You would give up being an alpha? I don't--Why?" I ask, confused. It's like being handed a feast on a silver platter and wishing you got the scraps that the birds were fed instead.

He's silent for a moment, giving me an overwhelmingly loaded look. "You know why,"

Oh. Oh. My stomach explodes with butterflies.

He'd give it all up for me. The power, the strength, the status of an alpha. Just so I could feel safe around him. I curse the waterworks that threaten to burst, keeping my head down so he can't see.

"Cyrus, I...." I trail off, feeling stupid. What can I say to that?

"I don't want to make this about me. I've been sick with worry, so please, tell me how you are. Did my mother attend to all of your wounds?"

"She did. Really, I'm okay," I insist, hating feeling like a burden.

"Are you?" his tone is grim, as if he knows what I am keeping inside. The sadness, the anger, the hurt. The utter hopelessness that I will ever be able to accept myself, after all that has happened to me. Why me? Why is it always me who has to suffer, to ache from wounds long gone?

"Koa,"

I chew my lip, the feeling of dread settling in the pit of my stomach. Now that he's here, it's so hard to keep blocking it out. To run from those feelings that threaten to suffocate me.

"Koa," my mate's voice filters through the swirl of negative thoughts, breaking me out of my spiral. I didn't realize that he'd gotten up from the chair and come before me, kneeling with one knee on the ground and the other leg bent to support his weight. Even with him in this position, we're at eye level with each other. Instinctually, I recoil, my heart rate rising in what I tell myself can only be fear. There's no other reason I'd be affected by his proximity, no reason at all.