The Story of Us

Sixteen

That night I obviously stayed at my dad's again, although before our conversation I had asked him how he felt about that and he told me I could stay home. I asked him as I was going to bed if the next night I should stay home or at my dad's and he said, "I told u tonight here is fine u still left so u gotta pick". Reading it back now, I cringe a little. Here is fine. Not that he wants me there, not that I should be there. Just that it is fine if I am there. I am flung back to 2020 when his mom offered me to stay with them and he didn't like it. That some nights together are "fine", but not all the time. Honestly, I don't understand how he could ever say he wanted to marry me. I constantly felt like I annoyed him or he was sick of me.

The next day I asked him about an oil change. He didn't offer to do it for me. He didn't offer to use his employee discount. He just supplied me with short responses. Even though he was starting to treat me differently, I continued to make an effort. I asked if he wanted assistance getting the electric bill down, yet again, to which he responded, "I guess", but when I asked for the account number to sign us up for the CARE program he responded, "thats effort". I responded that whenever he was ready, I'd help him apply.

Again, hindsight is 20/20. It makes me so mad that he was yelling at ME to stop using the dishwasher, which I ran once or twice a week while he was apparently blasting the AC and his little bestie was running a gaming set up 24/7. And when I offer help he denies it? Don't come at me acting like this is my fault then not accept the help I am offering. I really think he was trying to push me out. I think he wanted to live his college bromance dreams.

On the 17th, he surprised me. He got all his stuff out of my grandma's garage, then asked me about my day. He never asked me about my day. I told him what I was currently doing and asked about his day. He told me he was at his dad's with the roommate and dog. He then told me his dad's cat, the same cat that left scars up my entire right leg, attacked our dog and that he had a "small scratch". It turned out to be a pretty hefty scratch, at least 5 inches long on his right front leg. I was so upset when I saw that.

Anyways, I admitted I missed him and he said he didn't know why I wasn't home then. I told him I don't think he misses me and that I didn't want a repeat of Tuesday night, to which he replied "why else would i keep telling u to come home?"

He never told me to come home, just that it would be okay if I wanted to. He never said the words "I miss you".