Claiming Them

Oblivious

Wednesday November 27, 2019

Jude stood in the kitchen of his apartment, watching Andrew play on the rug, drinking a cup of coffee, and thinking. Thinking was the wrong word. Thinking involved a train of thought with a definite beginning and end. More like stewing. Stewing was a good word. Stewing implied a jumbled mess of half formed thoughts that served no purpose but to put him in a sour mood. A cacophony of endless chatter about things that could never come to fruition. Wants and desires that he couldn't act on, even though he wanted to, desperately.

Having Andrew home had given him a new perspective. It had shown him what he really wanted out of life, and he knew who he wanted that life with. But he also knew that that life was unattainable, or at least that was how it felt. The first night back had been difficult, but he'd gotten through it with the help of KiRin and Jay. They were his safety blanket. The comfort and familiarity that he craved above all else. He loved them. He'd been in love with Jay for years, and he had fallen for KiRin over the last six months. He wouldn't tell her that though. He didn't want to cause her conflict. She was a shrewd, intelligent woman, but she had a soft heart and didn't like to upset people. It didn't take a genius to figure that out.

The problem though, was that while he knew he loved them, he also knew that they didn't feel the same. His feelings would forever remain unrequited and that was eating at him, because Andrew deserved more than that. Andrew deserved a family with happy parents who loved him endlessly and weren't worried about their shitty love life, or lack thereof.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when a little hand patted his thigh, and he looked down to see Andrew looking up at him with pretty brown eyes the same shade as his mother's. "What's up, Buddy?" he asked.

"Daddy, I hunwy."

"You're hungry?"

"Yeah."

"Well, let's do something about that then." Jude began to search through the cabinets in his kitchen, and then remembered that he hadn't been shopping yet. He didn't typically keep much past snack food in his apartment. He preferred to eat with the rest of the house and just contributed to the general grocery fund. He heaved a sigh, looked down at the expectant toddler, and said, "Looks like we don't have anything to eat in here, bud. Let's go downstairs." Jude downed the rest of his now mostly cold coffee in one gulp and reached down to pick Andrew up. He carried him out the door and down the stairs and settled him on a stool at the counter before going through the cupboards. He found a pack of instant Mac'n'Cheese and said, "You want Mac'n'Cheese, bud?"

Andrew gasped and nodded vigorously, and Jude couldn't help the smile that broke out on his face to see his little boy finally excited about something, even if it was just a pack of Mac'n'Cheese. He set about making two packages, and spooning half of one into a small bowl for Andrew before he dug into his own. As he leaned over the counter, his eyes caught Jay working in the back yard. He couldn't help the bite on his lip as he watched the muscles in his arms flex as he pushed a broom along the patio, and the tightening in his groin when he bent over to pick up a rock that Hera had decided looked like a good ball. He tossed the rock back to its place in the garden, only to have it brought back by the puppy. Jude watched as he continued to play fetch with the rock for a few minutes until he finally gave up trying to clean and whistled for Hera to follow him into the house.

"Hey Jude," he said as he walked past the kitchen counter. Jude couldn't stop himself.

He winked and smirked at him, saying, "Hey sexy," and couldn't help the groan of frustration when Jay just laughed and kept walking. He stopped at the sound and turned back to Jude.

"What's wrong?"

Jude pursed his lips to keep from yelling, let out a quick breath through his nose, and said, "Honestly, Jason, if you don't know by now, I don't really want to tell you." Jude looked down at Andrew, gave him the best dad smile he could in that moment, and said, "You wanna take your lunch upstairs and watch a movie while we eat, buddy?" Andrew squealed in excitement, and Jude picked him up and carried him out of the room and up the stairs, leaving Jay to look after him in shock and confusion.