Ella Toone's struggle

After effects (2)

Ella's mind: fuck why can't I sleep, less won't go to sleep untill I do, I can't keep her up just because I'm not sleeping, what's that noise? Is she crying?

Ella: less, are you ok ? Are you crying ?

Alessia: ( looking up with a sad look and tears in her eyes but not quite crying) yh I'm ok, you need to sleep Ella please, I'm not sleeping until you do, and I mean it

Ella: less I didn't mean to make you upset (tears welling in her eyes) I never wanted you or anyone to know abou-

Alessia: Ella I said we will talk about this later ok (squeezes Ella's hand) it's ok, just please go to sleep and we will figure this out later I promise

Ella: ok I'll try to sleep ( lays facing less with their hands still holding, a tear rolls down her face and less embraces her into a hug)

(Ella wakes up and checks the time, 10:14 am, good, they both got some sleep, the two girls are still hugging and Alessia is also waking up now, she gives Ella a tight hug and sits up and pats the bed next to her to tell Ella to sit there)

Alessia: how are you feeling?

Ella: eh idk

Alessia: that's ok, we will figure that out, I want you to be honest with me now Ella and I need an answer, how long has the cutting been going on?

Ella: (stammering) eh um, since last winter, (tears welling and voice shaking) it got really bad at first then calmed down so I didn't think to tell anyone and then it got bad again in the summer and I was worried you would have figured out because you made a comment about my skins but when it was never mentioned again I kinda relaxed but then I started again

Alessia: (tears welling up) why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you, you told me you were struggling but you never said about you hurting yourself

Ella: I didn't want you to worry, you have your own problems to worry about, you don't need to have anything else to worry about ( falls into less sobbing, less hugs Ella tightly)

Alessia: I will always worry about you Ella, you are my best friend, is there anything else other than the cutting? Drugs ? Burning?

Ella: no, no drugs, I tried burning once but it just didn't feel the same

Alessia: what about your diet? We all see you eat and that you are eating enough but everyone has said that you look smaller, you've had to order a new kit 2 sizes smaller Ella and when you're on the pitch you can see that you look a lot more drained.

Ella: I've been struggling with my image a lot, I eat in front of people so they don't worry but I will either work it off or I'll throw it back up

Alessia: Ella, please look at me (holding the girl to look at her) this isn't good for you, you need to take care of yourself. We are gonna have to tell Sarina about this

Ella: (suddenly panicked) no don't tell Sarina please, I don't want her to know, I don't want anyone to know, my heart dropped when you came through that door this morning and saw me in that state, I don't want anyone to know, please lessi don't tell anyone.

Alessia: Ella, Ella hey calm down, i won't tell anyone right now, I will let you decide when to tell people, but you do have to tell her at some point, she can get you the help you need. Please just think about it

Ella: (while Alessia had been hugging Ella and been distracted, ella had taken off one of the plasters and was scratching at one of her cuts, she didn't want to, she didn't know why she was doing it, she wanted to stop but couldn't) I will think about it (she winces slightly and Alessia looks down and sees what Ella was doing)

Alessia: shit, Ella stop ( she grabs Ella's hands and puts the plaster back on, Ella starts apologising and cries into Alessia's arms, Alessia stands up and lifts Ella up like she did in the euros but this time Ella's head was on less's shoulder, she stands in the middle of the two beds with Ella crying in her arms and she doesn't do anything but rock gently side to side to calm Ella down) it's all going to be ok Ella I promise.

Ella: (still crying) thank you less I really do love you

(After a few minutes Ella has calmed down and just rests her head on less's shoulder and they both give each other a teary eyed smile)

Alessia: We both need to shower now though, the team is going for a brunch, do you trust yourself to not get hurt while your alone?

Ella: (thinks for a second) not really less, I might do something stupid

Alessia: ok, while I'm in the shower you will be on the bench talking to me the whole time and I will do the same while you're in there and we can both get ready together ok

Ella: ok, who first?

Alessia: doesn't matter, you can go first if you want

Ella: ok (they both get their shower things and Alessia's idea works and they both get ready in their England clothes like instructed for the brunch together and leave their room to go meet everyone down in the lobby)

Alessia: how do I look?

Ella: great, me?

Alessia: stunning, you ready, if you need anything just let me know ok,

Ella: yes, I will don't worry, thank you less, I do really appreciate it all

( They get down to the lobby and meet with the rest of the team, that are just waiting on Kiera and Lucy then they would be on their way, Lucy and Kiera arrive 2 minutes later and the lionesses all head out together)