Sun Saiyaan ~ A RagSan Story

Chapter Twelve

Sun Saiyaan

"Hate, hatred for yourself, for other people, will confine you, but love can set you free."

- Denzel Washington -

. . .

Chapter 12

She flapped her glassy eyes as soon as she entered Sanskaar's room, distracting herself to avoid crying. She already cried and made herself anxious yesterday, today she just wants to relax and be away from all the drama. She faced the door after hearing footsteps and saw Sanskaar enter the room.

He was hesitant to speak yet stopped right in front of her, "Ragini. . ." She sensed the uncertainty in his tone and could predict what he wanted to say.

"I don't want to go." She made herself clear once again and he exhaled, "I won't force you to go Ragini, I want the decision to be yours. But. . ."

He moved towards the wardrobe and opened it, "I think you might want to go after you read this, I found this in your storeroom.' He took out a letter and approached Ragini with it, confusing her.

She took the letter and then blinked at him, "how did you get this from my storeroom?" He curled a faint smile, "remember the time we met in your storeroom secretly?" He reminded and she recalled that time, nodding her head positively, "I accidentally knocked something off which made a noise and you had to lie to your Daadi that you saw a cat upstairs to save me, this letter fell out from that trunk.. I never had the perfect timing to hand you this letter, but today I think is the day you read it. I think it was meant for me to find it so I can give it to it's rightful owner otherwise it would've been stuck there forever and you would never have even known it existed."

Ragini curiously looked at the letter, unable to understand how this letter is related to her going back home for the ritual. "I don't understand, what is in this letter?"

"Read it and then you'll know but at the end of the day the choice is always yours Ragini." He replied and she opened the letter afterwards, starting to read it. He left the room straight after.

'To my sweetest, most innocent, purist, kindest, loving, caring, naughty but cute child, Ragini.

Mumma loves you so much! You're the best thing that has happened to me during my time with this family, and I'm so grateful God granted me such a beautiful soul otherwise I would've had no purpose to live.

If you see this letter and I'm not there, then I'm glad that I wrote it. I don't know why I had the urge to write it all of a sudden, but you do know your Mumma enjoyed writing her diary and you couldn't read it, so I'm writing you something you could read. But I do wish you see this letter when you're older.

If I'm not there with you, then you must've grown into such a beautiful of child Ragu. Someone who always takes care of others before herself and makes sure everyone is happy. It's a great quality to have and I'm sure you must have a lot of it overflowing. But Ragu, I want to let you know it's okay to be selfish at times and choose yourself over everyone else. You can't keep sacrificing. You need to choose your happiness first and then take care of everyone else. I would hate to see you putting others before you all the time, it would break my heart. I don't want you to be like me Ragu, I want you to get the world's happiness under your feet. Please put yourself first! Always let go of what hurts you and take a step for yourself, otherwise you will keep hurting like me.

If I be honest Ragu, I never loved your father. Our marriage was a decision made by both our mothers, my dreams died the day I married your father and was left to be a housewife, but I always wanted to be an author. I was never allowed to do what I wanted and had to follow what Parvati Maa told me to do, I couldn't find a sense of myself there. Your father continued telling me he had another woman he loved and made me feel bad for marrying him. I felt suffocated Ragu, I wanted to escape. But I wasn't strong enough to do it. Dhruva did it, but I couldn't! But I don't regret staying because then I had you, you entered my life and made me the happiest. Every moment spent with you were the best moments of my life, at last I could show Dhruva why I didn't come with him. If I would've then how would I have had you? And now I'm pregnant with another child too, I'm sure he or she would be as lovely as you! You're like my sunshine and the new child would be like my moonlight, both of you will shine the brightest in my dark days and get rid of this darkness surrounding me, where I have no hope or life, just love from you. It feels as if it's only you and me Ragu, I never considered your father to be a part of our small happy world because he didn't make the effort, he had constantly loved another woman for all those years and blamed me for ruining his love, and Parvati Maa never felt like a Maa, but I'm grateful that she's at least good to you and that you're getting the love from them that I never received. Your father may have not been an amazing husband but he dotes on you Ragu, despite having another daughter he never showed me that he didn't love you.