My first kiss happened the first time you SA'd me.
I'd tried to dodge you.
I didn't realise you were trying to kiss me.
You kept pulling my head down to be level with yours.
You forced your tongue into my mouth.
I hated it.
It was horrible.
I felt disgusting.
I didn't want to kiss you.
My first kiss had just been ruined; all for your temporary pleasure.
You were my first experience at love.
You didn't love me.
You loved using me.
Someone who loved me wouldn't have SA'd me multiples times.
Someone who loved me wouldn't have gr00med me.
Someone who loved me wouldn't have done this.
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You ruined my first 'love'.
Other people remember their first kiss as being awkward or maybe romantic;
But I remember mine as the day I wasn't believed.
The day my childhood died.
The day my life was ruined.
The day I was SA'd.
Other people can remember their first love as being young, and naive, feeling romantic love for the first time;
But I remember mine as being terrified.
Terrified it would happen again.
Terrified of not being believed.
Terrified I would be r@ped
I wanted to feel loved and cared for. Seen as wanted for the first time; but now my view of my first kiss and first love will always be tarnished.
Even if I choose not to count you as my first, you've damaged me and caused my future relationships to all have issues.
All because you got some temporary pleasure from using me.
I was a kid, but I wasn't clueless. Someone who loves you wouldn't do this.
YOU ARE READING
give me back my girlhood
Non-FictionTrigger warning for sexual assault, grooming, mental health issues and suicidal thoughts/attempts This is my vent book about my SA trauma, I use this as one of my coping mechanisms, to help other victims and to bring awareness.
