Hope Eternal

5 Dark and Light.

"I really wanted to be back at work, and to see you would be a fucking bonus, believe me, but I don't think that will be possible." its now that Rumi stirs, her hand stretching up and into view. Nicole, looking at you in shock and awe. "wait, that's not yours? Shit, if it was, who would be the dad? Defiantly not shit face." She laughs and you fill her in. Telling her the happy parts only. You tell her that you couldn't leave, not yet. She's not an auntie but has lots of younger siblings and cousins. She understands the pull of a new born. What she doesn't know, is your sister has good and bad days. But you can tell her this when you see her face to face. You let on that you will be in Seoul in February or March, the dates will be confirmed in the new year. She's gutted but says, "I have something to look forward to I suppose!" Its then that there's a noise on her end. A familiar face comes onto the screen. "Ah Suga Hyung, 어떻게 지내세요? (eotteoheg jinaeseoyo) how are you?" he smiles his gummy smile with affection in his eyes. "wow 와우, 예뻐 보이네요, yeppeo boineyo (you look beautiful), I hope your well, please don't get sick". This time Rumi is fussing, she wants your undivided attention. I mean how dare you want to talk to your friend. Yoongi doesn't ask questions, he doesn't assume anything, all he says is, "wow, I see you have your hands full. Its a shame, we wont see you next month. I wish all the health for you and your family." It's hard to know if he was listening in the background either way. It's time for this little dictator to eat and get a fresh nappy on. "Cole, have a great time. Enjoy it, Hyung, extend my congratulations to the team on the number one." The call ends. Shit, what if it had been Hoseok and not Yoongi? Would you have been able to keep your cool? No time to dwell on it, Rumi needs you.

The next few months pass by in a blur. Your sister is doing better, there are days when you all leave the house without any major breakdowns and those days are the sweetest. Going for walks, heading to the shops, it's getting colder but that just means Rumi gets wrapped up in cosy looking knitted jumpers and fluffy blankets. You were correct in your predictions, she may only be a few months old but she's got a sassy personality and the side eye on this girl, will rival most grown ups. She really is so precious and your are thankful that you get to be part of her growth and development. Its December 1st, everywhere, the stores, the tv adverts, the radio stations are filled with Christmas, decorations, lights and music. It feels magical but at the same time, its a sharp reminder that not everyone will see this seasons fun and festivities. You think back to how your mum loved the pomp and ceremony of it all, the biggest tree, filled with all the tacky ornaments you made as kids, the string lights that always shorted, you can see and hear her now, cussing at the tiny bulbs with her head under and in the tree trying to find the culprit that would try to ruin her Christmas. Its only your second Christmas without her. Now you need to be vigilant, your sister has had three strong weeks, no disassociation days, no massive dark episodes, but this could trigger her.

You were worried for nothing. Your extended family have been cleared to visit. They will be staying in an air bnb not far for your sisters. Christmas day, is joyous, lots of love, that's felt by everyone. Of course Rumi has everyone wrapped around her fingers. She is one lucky girl, lots of beautiful clothes, some toys for when she is able to hold onto them and not whack her face with them. Its almost midnight and the house is quiet, the family have gone back to the air bnb, and Rumi is sleeping. Its your sister, her fiancé and you, sitting down with a drink. Looking at them, you can see, they are finding themselves again. This time last year, they had just told everyone they were expecting, they went though a lot, and now they can see the light, the good times to come. You feel like an interloper, it really is time you start looking at getting back to work. "hey, wanderer? I know that look, I've seen it before." she gets up and comes to sit on your knee. "we want to say thank you. Not only for being there for us through out the pregnancy, but the birth, the sleepless nights and when Raun crossed the rainbow bridge." she is holding back a sob, but the tears are falling. "you loved us and kept our little ship floating. I will never forget that, we wont forget that." "sis, I will admit I thought I could do it all for my family" her fiancé says, "but you are just something else, with out you, I don't think I could have faced some days." the little fucker, he's got you in your feels. "button, you know me better than I know myself it seems. Yeah its getting to be that time. I'm getting itchy feet. This is the longest I've ever lived somewhere at anyone time. I miss the hustle and bustle of my life. I really didn't know how much I enjoyed it all, the flights, the countries, the people. Even the horrible contracts, the CEOs that want you to teach their wife or kids, but really just want to ogle you and even try it on." Fuck. "I will send an email to my company, see what they have for me, if anything, I wont be leaving too soon. And if its ok, can I come back here after each contract? I know I'm going to miss that little princess" "you, are the best auntie that my kids could ever wish for, but we wanted to ask you something! Would you be ok with us adding you on our will, naming you as Rumi's legal guardian. Its something we have spoken about a lot. In truth, she has a dad a mum and a mummy" There's tears and hugs, and more tears. You agree to being on the will, but your worried that the lines might get blurred when it comes to the mum and mummy. "how about we make it manty? when I'm not working, I will do everything I can to be here, support you both and help to raise her?"