Hope Eternal

19 Pain

Hoseok, I,"
"Nuna, can I?"

You both speak at once. You dropped the formalities while he called you Nuna. It feels like you're about to drown. "Fuck, Nuna, ok" you squash down the emotions that are racing to the surface. "I still can't get over how much that hurts." You can't look at him now.

>heart This was a bad idea. I should just back off now.
>brain, that won't fix anything. Just tell him, get it over with and then once he rejects you, we can all move on.
>kitty........

"Hoseok, you lied to me. But I forgive you." Shit were did that come from.

"What? I lied to you? You were the one tonguing my brother" he hisses.

"I have since apologised for that, I have spent the last 600 plus days beating myself up about it. Not a day has passed that I don't wish it hadn't happened. But that still doesn't excuse you for lying to me." You keep your voice steady and bring your head up. You meet his eyes for just a second. He looks so huggable, so cute and so fucking confused.
"Nuna, I dont" but you cut him off. "In fact you lied twice. You said you would never call me Nuna. But you know that this hurts me. Your still angry and I get it." Taking a chance you look at him again. His brows are furrowed and his lips tillted downwards. He doesn't know what your talking about so you help him, "you lied, you said even if we weren't going to be in a romantic relationship you would still be my friend." Realisation spreads over his face. "I did say that. Didn't I." He smiles ever so slightly.
"Yes, you did. More than once I'm sure." Feeling stronger you say "don't ever call me Nuna again. That shits painful and I know pain." He looks around and moves towards a chair, he points to one next to him and says "sit" but you don't move, "you havnt said sorry" he looks at you from his seat. How you wish it was just the two of you. At this angle all that's in your head is ' I want to sit on your lap and ride you till we both pass out', tilting your head you look at him, a tiniest of smirks on your mouth. Did he see that. If he did he doesn't let on.
"Nu.. please sit down. You wanted to talk. Let's talk"
Pulling the chair to sit in front of him, you ask "will you be able to look at me if I sit here?" Deliberately he looks you up and down, his mouth sporting his trademark smirk now. Then peirces you with a look that almost has your Cumming.
"Hoseok, if you keep up with the sexy mysterious looks I'm going to have to throw caution to the wind and give you myself right here. I have no shame, I have nothing to loose. Not really". He glups down and breathes out, "you can't say things like that, you have to be careful"
"Hoseok, I'm done being careful, I have missed you everyday since I woke up cold and alone in that bed. I miss your touch. The way you drink your coffee and the sound effects you make when your doing the simplest of things". You take a second to let him hesr what tiur saying. "I get it if you don't want me, if you don't want to re start anything, but for fuck sake, I need to be able to tell you how I feel." He looks shocked and kind of proud. Whether it's with you or himself your not sure.

Not waiting for him to speak you keep going. Leaning forward, you can almost touch him, his scent almost pulling you closer, like little fingers. How you long for any kind of contact. "I did a lot of thinking. A lot of growing, my life is differnt now, we both did wrong yes, but we never defined our relationship, surley if i can forgive you for treating me like that, you can get over what i did." You look at him through your lashes, "hoseok, I know your with someone. I know you brought someone. I'm going to say the same thing you did once." He looks at you with those beautiful almond eyes. "I can wait, I don't want to but I will" sitting back. There's not much else you can say. But you add "for me, your it. I didn't know it then but I do now. So, I will leave it at that, friends or more, its up to you." A deep sigh leaves you, and you stand up. "Thank you for letting me speak." You bow and walk back towards the group.

Your sister embraces you, "you OK wanderer? Take a breath, he's still sitting down. He Looks a little overwhelmed, smile." She let's go, fixing your face, "so what have you got planned for after the show? Will you guys have any time to relax? I know there's some tour dates coming up?" Your trying to keep it cool but you just confessed to someone, he didn't say anything in return, but that's because you didn't give him a chance. You can feel the members looking at you. "Cole, I'm just going to the bathroom. Look after my people." She nods and you take off. Avoiding eye contact with everyone, you almost knock over a sound guy in your attempt to flee to the safety of a bathroom cubical.
Once inside your panic room, you look at yourself in the mirror.
'no wonder he looked horrified' hairs all staticie tshirts all bunched at the shoulders like you have been dragged around.
Splashing some water on your face, you take a seat and lock the door. You go over what just happened.